Here's the thing, man. You cannot force someone to be attracted to you. You cannot force someone to love you. Trying to get her to change all these years hasn't worked for this very reason. You cannot blame people for thinking you're a doormat. Your wife has had plenty of pleas from you to know that a marriage of convenience is not good enough for you. She has seen plenty of evidence of just how hurtful this is to you. You're trapped as long as you let her continue to put up this front, using you as a prop. Your kids are going to be adults and able to live on their own in no time. You are choosing to let this woman dictate to you that you will not be happy, that you will not be fulfilled, because keeping up the charade of a straight relationship is more important to her than your feelings and your sanity. It's perfectly understandable that you are crushed by this, but giving up all hope and making wild and desperate statements about castration and suicide doesn't do anything to disprove the doormat claims. It only reinforces how much you need to say "enough is enough." This woman has been able to hurt you this long because you let her, and continuing to let her is not the answer. Again, she may just be getting around to realizing she's gay. She may have thought her lack of sexual interest in you was some how just a normal part of male - female relationships due to lack of experience, just as you stated was the case for you. My wife didn't come to terms with her sexuality until age 29, which isn't nearly as long as your wife took, but it's still way past the age of sexual development. She was very good at internally denying her attraction to women and explained it away as platonic admiration. When it came to men, she really believed she was cold when it came to romantic love and sex, and actually believed it was the same for other women. Your wife has likely done mental gymnastics to internally deny her sexuality for most of your marriage. But that's not an excuse anymore. She's acknowledged it, and she knows she's unfairly denying you the opportunity to be with a woman you can reciprocate your love. If she promises to try again to kickstart some romance, itll be nothing but an act designed to maintain this front. You may feel embarrassed to get divorced, even if you wait until the kids are older. But some temporary embarrassment beats spending the years you have left wanting to castrate yourself or die. I'm going to suggest again that you get one on one therapy. You're coping with this in unhealthy ways, and still refusing to stand up for yourself. It's clear you love your wife because you feel the need to fiercely defend her, and you refuse to abandon her. But she doesn't need you to defend her. She needs to start accepting who she is, and accepting that you need your happiness too.