On Sunday my bf told me he cheated on me. I was a mess for a couple of days, but have come to terms with it. It was a one time thing with an older lady guitar student of his that he's dropped as a student as soon as that happened. I've never loved anyone like him before and although there's no excuse I know I'm partially to blame.

This past month I've been so stressed out that my restriction went up ten fold. I never wanted to leave my apt unless I had to bc I didn't want to have to eat. If I could control my intake I can control whatever else I was faced with. I didn't even talk to many people, him included. There'd be days where we didn't talk. Saw him like once a week. Apparently my busy school schedule and tendency to hide inward was taking a toll on him. Something that in return he kept bottled inside. Finally when that slore of an old bag pushed despite his saying he had a gf...I guess his loneliness got the best of him.

It's weird, but I feel like this will make us stronger. We both are head over heels for each other and want to make this work. He did a real shitty thing but that doesn't make him a shitty person. Since I've mourned over it by listening to Fiona apple on repeat crying in the dark I've now accepted it happened and am moving forward. He's been so affectionate and we've made an effort to both be more emotionally intimate with each other. Stop shutting each other out and carrying our own individual burdens. If we're a team then we should share the weight.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling at this point, but I chose not to share this with almost anyone since we are staying together. But man does it feel so good typing this out. One positive is that the stress of the ordeal made me lose my appetite and I haven't been able to eat alone. Just soylent if I have work or need to be active since food grosses me out at this point. I hope that feeling lasts.