I’m ashamed of posting this, even, because it’s like I’m trying to get attention.

I feel this all the time. It's why I delete so many of my comments. And why therapy is such a struggle. But you know what's so terrible about wanting attention? Wanting someone to hear you? (I know, I know... just.. no, uhg... but still, something to think about)

As to your situation, I don't know what's reality, but I can imagine it's somewhere between the perception of some coworkers, your therapist's perception of you and your own perception of yourself. I doubt any of them are a 100% true and I doubt any of them are a 100% false. I do think it's important to look at whose opinion you select and choose to add to the many perceptions about yourself.

Since you're asking about reality, how valid of an inventory would it be if you put greater stock in the negative perceptions that you've been made aware of than the positive? Are you adding all of them into the mix of what you take in or are you pre-selecting based on perceptions that match more closely the negative belief you have about yourself?

Then there's also the option of not weighing other's opinions at all, but most of us are not very good at that and I don't think that's very realistic. I also think it's hard to trust our own perceptions when we know we're hurting and are maybe not able to untangle what's caused by pain or echoes from the past and from our parents and what's reality.

I guess I'm not really helping here, my point just is, there's not one reality. And I doubt if there were that it would be on one extreme end of the spectrum.