I'm so proud of you and the amount of love and commitment you have for your spouse. You found the key to stopping a toxic cycle. You will also give others, in similar situations, a glimpse of hope that things can get better. I hope you and your SO find the peace in your lives that we all wish for.

Found out during lockdown that both my wife and I have ADHD. The diagnosis really helped us understand years of frustrations and fights. We've had some big fights over the last year. It's been exhausting. Lately, we try to understand each other, instead of emotionally reacting to each other. If one of us is acting angry or frustrated, we see this as a help signal. So we ask if the other needs hugs. Always in a compassionate manner. It's amazing how powerful a hug is. It has amazing mental, emotional, and health benefits. While hugging you simply ask if they're doing ok. No judging, don't take the opportunity to point out what they did wrong. Just hug and comfort them. Ask for the same in return. It's worked wonders for our marriage. This started about 2 months ago. Also hug spontaneously throughout the day. Keeps things calm. Oh, and rub each other's backs and back of the head. Throw in a kiss or two while you're there.