Also why do you have to forgive? I won’t forgive mine... but this too is the result of a multistage process in therapy... just unravelling it all there was projection and fantasising on my side and what my parents should be doing and saying, which dishonoured who they actually were as people, which I actually found unacceptable. Then I had to let my parents go and start a grieving process. I don’t expect to be close nor reconcile with them. I won’t be party to their decisions / judgements and pronouncements anymore and make this known. It upsets them greatly but that is their problem. My anger is real and justifiable. It focuses and protects.

I summarise here, but this was a multi month process.

I don’t even know if this is what is hovering under the things you talk about in your post. To get at it will take months of questioning, to and fro, building slowly each time. At least this is how it worked for me in therapy. Its not something reddit was designed for. Which leads me to recommend therapy again... last time I promise :)