I ain't a soldier. And I ain't a cop. I ain't a ronin, or a gangster or an outlaw- anymore. But I have had a Violent life. The first thing I remember from my childhood is a tree house, and peanut butter sandwiches. The second thing I remember is fighting.

The day care i went to abused me. They broke almost all of my ribs. I testified in court that it was not my father who brought that violence to me. Those broken ribs would later become a blessing.

When I was 7 years old I was going to a bad school in a bad neighborhood. I was big for my age, and white in a very black neighborhood. Some boys from my class followed me home one day. Their 'leader' (Who was my age.) Pulled a knife on me. He stabbed me twice in the stomach. I retaliated.

We were in an alley, and i grabbed a chunk of brick laying on the ground. It was the afternoon, bright and clear. And I went toward him with the chunk of stone. And I levied great violence onto him. I broke his body. More importantly, I broke his brain.

I have talked to many people about that day. And they aways offer platitudes like 'its not your fault' and 'you were protecting yourself'. And those things are true. But what is also true, is that that child will never have an opportunity for a full life. Yes, he made a mistake. And my actions changed him Forever. That afternoon changed Us forever.

He works at a school as a janitor. I have gone to see him a few times over the years. It's not easy. He's only partly a man. But i still reach out to him. We were unknowingly bound that day. I hope he finds a good life. I hope i do too.

That was the first time I nearly killed a life. There is no pride, just a memory and the stillness in the half-light.