Having fought depression since I was in 5th grade, I got a lot.

That my self worth is based solely on extrinsic factors (money, materials, other people's evaluations of me, etc). That I'm incredibly ungrateful because I have the things to have a comfortable life, but it never feels like I'm living the life I'm supposed to. That I feel false and fake in nearly all social interactions. That my fears of abandonment arise not from an absent father, but one that could never be there for me in the ways I needed. That my attraction to damage people and wanting to fix them, is an extension of a mother who leaned on her kid for emotional support throughout an abusive relationship. That medications and therapy have held me together like scotch tape hold a shattered mirror together. Fixing nothing, just bidding time till the inevitable.

That I have a plan... A method,a place and a time, waiting for me in a few years. I never did think I'd make it to 30, now I can guarantee it. Should feel freeing, but I don't feel much, never really have. Still one of the few things I look forward to. Not all of us succeed at life, but we still fulfill our role in impacting others, even if that comes at our own destruction.