I was what one might consider a stalker, especially in middle school. It wasn't like I hung outside people's houses or followed them around or shit like that, I just didn't know how to talk to girls, especially ones that I liked. So there was this beautiful Italian-Mexican girl in my grade who had had a crush on me forever. I didn't realize it for a long time, and when I finally did, I had hit my awkward phase and my already low self esteem went down the drain. I didn't know if she still liked me (found out she did, later on) and I didn't know how to start a conversation with her. She was actually my first kiss when I was 13 at the fireworks, but she kissed me, it wasn't a mutual thing because I had no confidence and didn't know what to do. For the next year, Id follow her around, waiting to find a way to start a conversation with her, and when she started them with me, I stuttered a ton (I had a debilitating stutter up until a point in high school and it still comes up sometimes). She actually tried to get me to have sex with her in 8th grade, and I had no clue what to do. But I still followed her around, waiting for an opportunity to talk to her, waiting for my acne to go away again, and it definitely would come off as creepy if she didn't like me. I miss her occasionally, as she was a good person. We went to different high schools because we didn't live in the same neighborhood anymore. I still keep tabs on her, though, as her kid brother is the same age as my kid brother and I'll probably see her again in a couple months for our brother's school thing. It's been several years now, I grew out of my awkward stage and I've been described by girlfriends and their friends and pretty much everyone as "incredibly sexy, hawt, handsome, ect." I can talk to girls now (obviously) and have some confidence, though my self esteem is still pretty shitty. Back then, I just wanted a friend. I didn't have any friends, and she was the only person that was always good to me and was my friend.

What sucks is by admitting this, I'm reinforcing the stereotype that people with BPD are stalkers. That's not what I intended back then, and the fact that she liked me gave me a free pass essentially. But I still panic when people don't text me back immediately and worry that they are going to abandon me. Abandonment issues are a common theme in my life, as everyone I've ever cared about has left me. I want to hold tight to the friends that I have, and unfortunately that doesnt always come across well. The no confidence thing didn't help things. I have never really intend to hurt anyone other than myself, so don't confuse me with someone that has ASPD. That's the big difference between BPD and ASPD, as well as our abandonment issues which people with ASPD don't have. I just want to have people close to me.