I Don't know if I should even comment here because I feel exactly the same way. And I don't know if I'll end up doing more harm than good.

The medication only gets me a maximum of 4 days seizure free. Only one or two of which I can actually enjoy But only kind of sorta. I'm on the rebound from my last seizure so the depression has set in. To add insult to injury every seizure seems to damage my spinal cord just a bit more where I lose a bit more strength and a bit more range of motion every time. I calculated it a few days ago between testing, medications and doctor's appointments I spend between $850 and 2,000 a month I average about 17,000 a year. I can only imagine what I could do with that kind of money. Of course I don't know because I give it all to the medical system. It just makes me want to f****** cry the doctors are So goddamn useless and just treat me like a f****** lab rat. I'm on three seizure medications alone 8 in total all on close the maximum dosages.

As for coping with it. I just try to plan three or four things every month to look forward to. That's the only way I found to keep up the fight. Otherwise I just lose the will to keep fighting this cloud of b*******.

To live is to suffer to survive is to find something and suffering. I can only hope that this holds true for epilepsy.