That wanting or needing validation is weakness and that your accomplishments/dedication isn't something to be proud of. Oh and also that if someone compliments you it doesn't mean that you're the way they've described you or that you are good.

Since this is my first reddit post I'll put some background story for those who want to read, it'll be a long post so you've been warned.

First off I'll preface this by saying that I love my parents and they've sacrificed everything to help me get to where I am and they are good and kind people. I'm eternally grateful and blessed for everything they've done for me.

So growing up in my house only two things really matter. Number one is religion and number two is education. I'm a 24 year old American born in California if anyone is wondering. Since my early education my dad who is a Professor/principal never gave me any sort of validation for doing well in school, getting good grades, being praised by teachers. It was always expected that I'd do good and my dad was the principal of my school until I got into 6th grade and started going into public school.

This is when I started to dislike math as a subject. As I got into 8th grade it got worse it was the first time I started getting a B in math which I ironically my father is a professor of and I wasn't doing great because algebra didn't come easy to me. So he started trying to tutor me and there were times when he was like “I've explained this multiple times how why can’t you understand this all your siblings are good at math and would get furiously angry with some of my test scores and grades. When I got into 9th grade I made myself a promise that I'd move heaven and earth to get all A's especially geometry. I remember studying all the time for everything with the help of my sister who took the same class and had the teacher I did 2 years ago. On the second major test of the semester I got a 105 and never felt happier as I hadn't done well in math for a while and I was ecstatic to go home and show my parents especially my dad.

When I got home I showed my mom and she smiled and said that she liked how I improved from my first test score of an 88. I thought since my mom is really happy I'm sure dad will be glad to see this too. When he gets home I come down and show him my exam and he looks at it and says well you got an 88 in the first one and this is just one test it doesn't matter or mean anything. Also your sister got 95 plus on all of her exams when she took the course. Never felt more gutted for getting a hundred in my entire life. I just wanted my dad to say that's good improvement son I want you to keep it up.

This continued all the way up to 12th grade and even though I got an A in both geometry and Pre-Calculus it didn't matter because in 12th grade I got a B in calculus and was berated for it along with being told I didn't care about my education. For my dad graduation wasn't a big deal. After High School I decided I wanted to pursue an education in medicine, I've always loved science and medicine. One of my dad's friend talked to me about medical school overseas in Pakistan that I could go into straight out of high school. This scared the living hell out of me but he and my dad convinced me that it was a good decision to make and that my dad would pay for my education and I just needed to study abroad for 5 years give the USMLE and then come back and apply for residency.

So fast forward a few months I make up my mind and officially get admission into the medical college and finally move to Pakistan. It was the hardest transition for me in my entire life. My brother also ended up coming here and doing medicine with me in my class he is 4 years older than I am. I could go into long detail about my medical school experience here if anyone wants but I'll put it a separate post. When I got there my parents gave me the work hard and study every speech and told me that it's important I follow through with my decision. When I first got to my first class and the professor asked why I wanted to be a doctor. I responded and told him that I had memorized half the Quran and that Surah AL-MA'IDAH verse 32 was my reason because it states: "Because of that, We decreed upon the Children of Israel that whoever kills a soul unless for a soul or for corruption [done] in the land - it is as if he had slain mankind entirely. And whoever saves one - it is as if he had saved mankind entirely. And our messengers had certainly come to them with clear proofs. Then indeed many of them, [even] after that, throughout the land, were transgressors." There was already death and destruction all around me and I wanted to be a force for healing and to have medicine and god help me bring about a better world as much as possible, I'm an idealist and used to be an optimist.

I struggled very hard in my 1st year and in my 2nd semester I got really sick and hospitalized and missed some exams. Due to missing exams I automatically was failed and told that I'd get a chance to take the supplementary exam in 2 month. So I tell my dad about it and he gets angry and upset and says he is giving everything he can for my education and that it seems I don't care or am not serious which was far from the truth. Needless to say we didn't talk for weeks and it was the first time my mom cried because of my education. I felt disgusting and inadequate for bringing that anger and pain to them especially my mom and so I resolved to do whatever it takes and get into my 2nd year and so I did thankfully.

In my 2nd year I didn't get my results for my 3rd semester for 9th months due to them grading my 2nd semester supplementary exam very late and so I got my results for my 3rd semester when my fourth semester ended. My schools administration and Examination department are terrible in many ways and they honestly didn't care about us we were walking ATM's to them. To my joy I cleared everything and did really well so I was excited to call my parents and tell them. My mom was crying tears of joy and she gives the phone to my dad and when I tell him he was like yeah they probably felt bad for taking so long and just gave you good scores. There went my tenders again and I started thinking maybe I didn't accomplish or get anything because of my effort.

Fast forward to my final year of medical school I was doing well with Medicine, Surgery, and Gynecology/Obstetrics but not Pediatrics. Pediatrics was by far the most difficult thing for me in final year. I know my medicine pretty well so I thought alright I'll be fine. Turns out I was wrong there is a significant number of things to account for when it comes to kids in medicine especially in clinical rotations. Children are some of the most difficult patients in various aspects but I loved them to bits. So I end up clearing all the subjects but I failed pediatrics and had to take the supplementary exam. At this point again I call my dad tell him what's going on and he is in disbelief still thinking I don't care/study hard enough how one of his best friends is a pediatric oncologist and how he doesn't understand how I could fail in this subject. Soon enough he comes visits me and we end up going to his friend’s house who is the pediatric oncologist. As we are having dinner my dad brings up my pediatrics exam and says how he can't believe I failed the exam and how he thinks it's easy because his best friend has done it. The look my dad's friend gave to him was priceless and he just told him in a soft tone that it's a tough field and not easy at all and that he knew several people in medical school who struggled with it. Fast forward to supplementary exam I take it and clear it with a great score and it felt amazing.

My brother and I finally cleared medical school this summer. I was bewildered and for the first time in my entire life I feel like I accomplished something. When I got the news and told my mom she was again very happy waking everyone up in the house and telling them. When she told my dad his response was like well yeah he better have and it’s about damn time. That hurt to hear but by then I was so happy about being done with Medical School it didn't matter. I remember when my sister got her degree in education my dad was constantly praising her and sending us all pictures of her degree how she got her education and worked hard and etc. I doubt he'll really care when I get my degree, As of right my paperwork is processing and all he does is constantly ask me for update on when I'm getting my paperwork and degree done. I just wanted my dad in the happiest moment of my life to tell me he was proud that I graduated from medical school and acknowledge that even though I struggled I worked hard to overcome it.

My brother and I are about to go back home to America for good and I've never felt more relieved and hopeful having that to look forward to. We'll be studying for our USMLE exam and hopefully applying for the match in 2017. Maybe one day when I'm a resident he'll tell me he is proud. He's the only person whose validation I feel I need but can't understand why. I don’t ever want my kids to feel that way. It's messed me up in some ways and it's why I also have a hard time with compliments.

I hope to change the world the best I possibly can for the better and to change people's perception about Islam and Muslims in general. My name means servant of god and I also consider myself a servant of humanity. Even if people hate me or would want to kill me, I'd gladly give every medical treatment I can provide because my patients come first and my love for Allah and Humanity is the most important thing in the world to me. Love and Healing is something we can all do in some shape or form every day. If you have any questions feel free to ask and I’ll happily respond to them. Thanks for letting me vent and share my story.