We met online, had some mutual friends and started talking. We dated for roughly 4 years in an ldr type setting where we saw each other almost monthly, and usually for more than a week at a time. We lived together for a few months where we thought we knew we're compatible and married a dew months after that. We were 26(me)/25(her) at marriage.
I loved her and vice versa. She made me happy and we had generally the same interests and at the time, same personality.
Our marriage lasted 1.5 years. In truth, we were together for about 7 months after we tied the knot.
Day 1 she arrived after the wedding ceremony. She knew I didn't support her recent weight gain and lethargic attitude. She moved back home for a few months to finish her semester at school and told me she was eating better and seeing a trainer at the gym.
She arrived another 20 lbs heavier than when she left. It felt like a smack in the face. It made things worse when she wanted to lose weight to fit into a bridesmaid dress for her BFFs wedding. It made it seem that she didn't give a shit about being healthy for our relationship, but needed to look good for her friend's. I cooked healthy meals and would find Wendy's and taco bells wrappers in our trash bin after coming home from work. On top of all that, when she did find work, she focused on paying off her school loans/other bills, letting me pay for the house I just bought for us, car insurance and food. On top of THAT, she started refusing to clean up the house in lieu of the above when asked. I didn't find her attractive, I began being abrasive, we didn't have sex for months and she ultimately cheated on me. I felt shitty for a while because I thought I failed as a man (for the last 4-5 months of our time together until I realized I didn't make this fail).
I wanted to fight it, like I said above, it made me feel like a failure. Deep inside I was 100% over her, but I didn't want to be a typical "hollywood" couple that calls it quits after the first issue. As soon as I heard she had sex with someone else (1-2 months before separation) I suddenly realized that I felt free and was 100% on "us" being done. I took the high road and believed that she chose the person she wanted to be (a cheater/liar) and I will gain nothing from throwing her shit out that night. Immediately I made her move to a spare room, bug we still talked about our day and whatnot.
She moved back home to her mom's. I helped her move out and took a day off to get the moving truck with her. We shared a last kiss which in my mind cemented that there was nothing left to salvage. It was the first embrace (let alone kiss) we shared in months. She got home, filed paperwork at her courthouse and we got it back last month. My expenses were non existent in the divorce, however through the marriage - I now have a house that is much fancier than I need, spent probably a total of 3k on insurance/food expenses for her (ntm the few times we tried to go on "date nights" and trips to salvage our issues early on as well as giving her 3k when we got married to jump start her Roth IRA.
I saw her as a lazy liar, cheater and someone who gave up. I also saw why she felt that way with me growing more distant, so I knew that part of the blame was on me. We continued to talk after about a 1 month break or so and I made sure to remain civil since. We now talk every few weeks about what's going on and any big news. The divorce was finalized a month ago.
I went on a date a couple days after she left. Initially it was scheduled to be the evening of her departure. I knew 100% that there were no romantic feelings left and felt I was ready to move on. I ultimately met someone who (imo) has a much better attitude on life and shares a lot more things with me than before. There were some things initially that made me think of my ex and made me draw comparisons (I.e. I preferred the way the ex folded laundry), but atm i can honestly say, I've never been happier emotionally.
Not really. I still find the same things attractive as before, and my deal breakers are all the same, but more stringent.