A manager of a massive company hates contractors (despite it being the business model) and suspects people aren't doing their job - he thinks that computers are simple and can be maintained like a car. If you do maintenance it should never break down.

So he decides to start a new department and tells everyone they need to reapply for their jobs. In the new role you plan work 3 months in advance before carrying it out. And then you hand off instructions to someone else (without trying them of course) so they can do it - this verifying your stuff is bullet proof and so you're replaceable. AND whatever you do has to be automated push button style. No excuses.

Well months pass while he's trying to get this shit together and productivity just dumps because everyone knows this is a massive failure in progress. Who's going to fix your PC or office? Sorry please wait 3 months dudes it's the rule. He has a big meeting and challenges anyone to tell him he's wrong. Nobody does because they're terrified of being fired on the spot.

So anyway in the meantime he's like okay in preparation any time you fix anything you must log a ticket in the system. And every time you log a ticket you must log another ticket on how to automate fixing those problems long term. The ticket system is a web GUI which is slow and terrible to use. Anything takes ages and it's all extremely confusing and pointless. Everyone agrees but nobody can do anything about it.

So suddenly those "how do I fix this long term" tickets start building up in the system. They're unfixable. And people MUST create one so they write crazy shit. Power outage from a tornado? Hey man I'll raise a ticket to track how science is going at stopping tornados.

Suddenly his department has the most outstanding tickets in the entire company. Alarm bells ring. Now he demands that everyone spend their Friday's working on ways to close these tickets! Nobody is allowed to book a Friday meeting and he (basically C level executive) will be walking desk to desk asking which ticket number you're working on OR ELSE.

So suddenly the floor is swarming with managers making sure every staff member has a ticket number ready to pass the audit. Thing is, not everyone's job is relevant with these issues, so they have no ticket, and basically they're hiding in the toilet or gone to lunch and worried they'll be fired on their way back.

Yep. Pointless guy only hires yes men. Is busy killing the company and being promoted in the process as a visionary; nobody says squat. Kills productivity with a stupid rule about paperwork with no exceptions and threatening everyone's jobs. Then complains nothing is getting done and there's too much outstanding paperwork and threatens everyone's jobs.

Sigh