I think it is important to bifurcate situations where the putative OP is getting rekt on purely because of his preference for the company of men versus where it is a generalized internet insult disconnected from gender expression/identity and sexual preference/orientation.

In the former, the diction matters little since it is just base animus. They might not drop the F bomb specifically or allegorically, but if they were literally chasing you IRL with a pitchfork that is probably more bothersome than the words they are using.

In the latter, you never really know who your audience is. The word and the concept obviously carries a lot of historical baggage. Just as there are people still alive today who experienced Jim Crow (U.S.) it is not uncommon to find someone from the Stonewall generation that had a much rougher go of it than our millenial generation.

Personally, the word doesn't even register with me any more than someone calling me a Canadian. It's not offensive and does not hurt my feelings. However it would be a mistake for someone to assume that I am fairly representative of everyone - because I am not. Which makes a person using the word in the latter scenario potentially crass; attempting shock value for the sake of the lulz; struggling with their own sexuality internally; or potentially just naive about the historical baggage and in need of a quick education.

There is nothing wrong with calling someone out for usage that bothers you. Outside of the "safe" forums there are a lot of users that go on the offensive against the SJWs and anything that even kind of looks like it though. You can do your best to explain your position and attempt to educate - but if you are outnumbered in Troll Town, just accept the downvotes as a badge of honor that you didn't back down from something you firmly believed in. It's all just fake internet points any way - it's not an important measure of a potential new manfriend like if a brother owns a fully functional suit of Mandalorian battle armor (✿◠‿◠)