Doubt many people will see this but this is a perfect opportunity to get this off my chest.
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I've cheated on my girlfriend. Many times. We've been dating for over two years now and she still didn't know. It's a very complex situation.
It all started about a year and a half ago. My friends and I drank and began to play strip while drunk, abd I didn't tell my girlfriend. Then one night, me and another girl ended up in a closet. She gave me a hand job and I fingered her. I woke up the next morning and hatred myself but I didn't learn my lesson.
On another occasion, a girl from my school who is a known slut gave me a blow job, but I fled the scene before it went further because I was horrified at what I had done.
Final occasion, I had sex (it sucked and was over quickly) with a girl I worked with. I didn't talk to her after that for a long time.
In between each of these situations I played more strip.
It's been about a year since I stopped cheating on her. I've never been unhappy with her. Sure we fight sometimes, every couple does, but we always overcome it. She's beautiful, and recently we've explored new things, sexually, and I don't have anything left to be desired (which may be one reason why I've stopped cheating, but I'm not sure). I've never had an easier time talking to someone, anyone. She understands me and I, her. I want to marry her someday. We want to have an apartment someday in a big city, abd we don't want kids.
I don't know why I tried so damn hard to fuck this all up, and every time I think back on it I hate myself and wish I could tell her the truth. But I'm too selfish to voluntarily lose her, but I know she deserves to know.
Why did I do it guys? Why did I cheat on her even though I knew it was wrong and really believed I love her. I still believe I love her, and she loves me.
I hate to admit it, but I'm a sack of shit. She's kind and loving and I couldn't ask for more, and yet I tried.
Why.