Currently i try to be in multiple places at once because i don't like to upset people; but yet i constantly feel like i'm pushing people farther away because I don't socialise much. I just constantly worry that people hate me or think i'm an asshole. Despite all my efforts i just feel like i'm not good enough for anyone. There is just so much to be dealing with at the moment and i struggle to handle it at the best of times.

Several times a week i care for one of my two grandmothers, as she is getting forgetful and it deeply upsets me to watch her slowly but surely forget who she is and inevitably pass on. She has lived a long life so far, but she has been through so much in her life (she lost her only son to a careless driver who was using the phone whilst driving, almost 20 years ago, and her husband lost the battle with cancer) and it often makes me hurt more to know she is going through this as well. I often build up and build up the emotions until i just break down (which i know isn't healthy, but i'm a worrier and i worry about everything). I do my best to look after her but i always feel like i'm not doing enough and that my efforts aren't good enough; as though i could always do better. Her friends and my own family praise me for what i do and tell me that i'm such a good grandson and they feel sorry i'm dealing with all this after what my family's already been through. Though the thing about it is, i feel cannot accept those compliments as i don't believe i deserve any praise at all; all i do is what i was put here to do and try my hardest to make sure she is cared for, has everything she needs, and her household chores are done or reduced to a minimum. There are people out there who deal with far worse and there are health-care workers who have the unfortunate reality of dealing with this and often times deaths, on a day-to-day basis for sub-par payment.

I don't have much of a social life as i spend most of my time outside my current job, caring for my grandmother, shopping for and visiting my other grandmother, and doing my best to help my mother with my two younger siblings; as their father has done some pretty crappy things and left us with a lot to deal with. My mother has been through so much and does not deserve a single bit of what she is going through right now.

I try my best to maintain friendships but now i hardly get the time to visit people anymore and this is what makes me feel like i'm driving people away. I fear some day they'll all up and leave me because i haven't been as active as i should.

There's a lot to read in this comment and i'm sorry for the formatting of anything, as i'm using Reddit Mobile and it may not be as aesthetically pleasing to read as one would hope. But this is some of the most personal stuff i'm willing to share.