Ha. We know. It just. Feels horrible. Two instances off the top of my head. I'm at a middle school dance during school hours. Two cute girls come up and ask me if I want to dance. I say no thank you. Her jaw drops and I just hoof it out of there. The look on her face haunts me to this day. The words that come to mind are "I was doing you a favor!"
At the end of the dance, my boyhood crush Lori asks me to dance. Without thinking I accept. And we dance. It's awkward and sweaty. Felt horrible. Bell rings. I bolt. I don't think I even said thanks or bye I just left and ran across the field. Never saw her again.
More recently, I'm out walking my dog. And this hot busty blonde who I've seen at the pool (no, I never go) is jogging towards me smiling. Not like on the other side of the sidewalk. She is directly and intentionally in my path and staring me down.
She bends down and starts petting my dog. Kind of making idle chit chat. And telling me how much she loves dogs. And her tits are just bouncing all the while in her sports bra. It's pretty fucking great. But I'm trying to look away somehow. All the while I'm trying to think of something to say. Anything. Eventually I tell my self, For fucks sake! Say something!!
"Hi."
"Hi!"
Eventually she's had enough with the boob jiggling/forced conversation and I watch her ponytail and ass bob away in the distance. Fucking idiot. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!!
A sort of explanation. I got some charm. And the more I know someone the more it comes out. But, if I don't know the person or I am intimidated by them then I feel an intense anxiety. My chest tightens. Breath quickens. And my mind goes blank. Feelings of shame/inadequacy. And obsessing over faults.
I would still feel those things even if she were to say "you don't have to feel that way around me." Or even "I love you." Crap like the L word used to make me bawl. I guess my mind just did not believe it was possible and here it is.
In closing I'll say, if God is real, it was a nice troll Lord!