You said you don't comfort her when she cries.

"I won't spoil her, because obviously, that creates bad behavior and habits. When she lightly falls, I tell her to get back up. When she falls and it hurts, I do comfort her, but I tell her to get back up."

"when she falls and cries like all toddlers do, and I tell her to get up because she's fine. No, I just refuse to coddle her whenever she cries and whines."

Idk what your deal is here. I'm not about to raise a kid with bad behavior and habits because I decided to spoil her as a baby. I comfort her, she's my baby. Let's say we're outside and she falls. She's crying. She's always with her mom because her mom is a stay at home, and we live together. She cries to her mom, I rub my hand along her back and tell her she's okay, and I bring her attention back to rocks because obviously rocks are the best thing ever to a year and half year old child. I'm not going to groom her into always crying profusely over everything because no one tells her she's okay. Do you know what would happen if I did a whiny voice + a hug while she cried? Shed cry even harder. If I use a light voice, tell her she's okay, and distract her, she's a-okay. I've tried both approaches, and the 2nd works best.

What I won't comfort is: Crying because she wants the glass jar her grandma has in the cabinet, and she's crying because she's mad we won't give her a jar she may break. Or crying because she's mad we won't let her play with the oven door when we're doing stuff with it. I'm sorry, but do you want a toddler to break a glass jar? Do you want a toddler's hand getting hurt with an oven door because you didn't tell her "No"??

Also if you think hitting a defenseless child is ok, then you are a horrible person.

Learn something new every day, huh? I have a feeling you have in mind this angry woman who beats the crap out of her toddler. Haha sorry, dude, as much as youd like that to be the case, that's not the case here. Have you ever disciplined a child who doesn't want to listen? Makes me wonder since I'm being accused of "being a horrible person" for disciplining her. She threw blocks at a person -> we tell her no -> she does it again -> we tell her no -> she does it again -> we tell her no, lightly slap her hand (which I apparently can't emphasize the word "lightly" enough to someone who's condemned me as a child abuser) -> she doesn't do it again. I gave her chances to stop. I also repeated like twice already that the last time I did that was months ago, only when I think it's important.

Sorry dude, until the child is a young adult, we as aunts and uncles and parents, are the embodiment of authority. I learned that at home. If a child learns who and what authority looks like and what it is, they'll grow to be respectful people. You have to tell a child no, you can't just give them the cake all willy nilly, because that'd be silly. Thats part of being a parent: Grooming them to be a good, contributing member to society who respects and is kind to others, etc. They need to know that your word is the final say, but also that you love them very much. From my experience, anyway

Does she get to hit you back when you misbehave?

What kind of rhetorical question is this? "Will I hit my mom if I disagree with her on a topic?" Come on. My mom has slapped me twice that I can think of. And I deserved those slaps fair and square because of my attitude towards her. Don't know what kind of world you're living in that a child gets to hit their parent. If that happens, then there's something deeply wrong there. Children need to be disciplined because that's how they learn to be decent humans. It's always gotta be a combination of love and discipline.