My first cigarette was with the first love of my life, hunkered together in a freezing car in mid-December. She had been smoking for a few years prior to knowing me and offered me a Marlboro Red while we sat in an Alabama parking lot, waiting for a shop to open. I had never even thought of trying a cigarette. But I've never been shy to new experiences so I gave it a go.

I had never smoked anything before. She noticed I wasn't inhaling, I didn't know I was supposed to. I took a few sips of the McDonalds coffee we had brought along and went for it, afraid I was going to have a coughing fit. Maybe the coffee helped it along in some way, but that first inhaled drag was one of the most pleasurable "firsts" I've ever experienced. To feel the smoke going down; to feel it fold and weave on my tongue, through my throat, into my lungs - it felt invigorating. Luscious. I imitated the way I always had observed her slowly exhale it. Not in a single expulsion as most people do, but to let it slowly release. To really take the time to let that sensation feel as if it almost had some sort of meaning.

It's not difficult to enjoy cigarettes. Some are grabbed immediately, some take more time to acclimate, much as they would need to acclimate to raw black coffee. It takes more than a single cigarette, or even a few packs of cigarettes, to become addicted. People continue at first because it's a pleasure. Not like weed or alcohol due to some easily discernible mental high, but because of the pure physicality of it. The pure sensory pleasure. The mild relaxing effect that is just subtle enough.

The love & pleasure only lasts a few years.

After a certain point, it becomes almost masochistic. You stink. Your lungs ache. Your wallet empties. You are met with massive guilt and fear each time to light up. But you're already chemically addicted from the nicotine. It's still enjoyable, but that enjoyment is overpowered by how much you hate it, and how much you hate the sudden realization of how difficult addiction really is to break.

I don't recommend ever beginning to smoke, but if only there was some way to make it perfectly safe, it's truly one of life's greatest pleasures. While the pleasure lasts.