Not just because it's so unbelievable, but also because it was so... so stupid.

Used to drink and drive, all the time. Worked a 3rd shift security gig, it was shitty because they had me working weekends. So all weekend, Friday-Monday - I was supposed to be working from 11pm-7am, where as a young 20 something in college... it was misery. After a few weeks of working there and missing some prime... PRIME parties - I came to the conclusion that job wasn't worth it, but I didn't want to quit. So I started ditching out at 11:30pm, then coming back at 6:30am - where I'd party all night, get drunk as fuck - then freshen myself up, put my uniform back on, and go back to work. DRUNK AS HELL.

Funny thing is, I was pulled over several times doing this - but got away with it EVERY SINGLE TIME - including 1 morning where I got clocked going 76MPH in a 55 zone (reckless operation anything 20mph over the speed limit) - and I still got away scott free, not even a ticket.

The thing was our uniforms looked identical to the county Sheriff's office, and even if i wasn't a police officer - I still received professional courtesy. Granted, I hid it pretty well. I made sure I hung my up uniform before partying, then washed my face, brushed my teeth, dropped some eye drops, and used a fuck ton of Listerine - even a dab of cologne. But seriously, most nights I couldn't walk a straight line to save my life - and still... got away with it every time.

In reality, I should be dead, of have mulitple DUI's at the very least. But nope, never got caught - and kept that job for 3 years. THREE YEARS.

I'll admit, after 2 years and a promotion to "sergeant", I stopped doing the ditch and party thing... so much. HAHAHAH fuck, I miss that job. I wish it paid more, I would have stayed forever.