I've cut myself by mishandling knives before and thinking, "oh, that was pretty dumb". I've also walked into a few doors or bit my lip, tongue and cheek but

I think the one that really takes the cake was the one time i licked a shovel because i was thirsty.

It happened years ago during the winter, years ago when i was real young. i was playing in the snow with a metal shovel. It was one of those square shovels. After hours of playing outside, digging holes and building snow forts i was exhausted and i wasn't about to go inside. I wanted to keep playing.

So ice had formed on the shovel and i had the bright idea to lick the ice and try to melt it. Well my plan hadn't exactly worked, and now my tongue was stuck to this shovel. i didn't know what to do. This is where the embarrassment and fear that my parents would be angry started to settle in.

You could probably already guess what i had done. I pulled the shovel thinking that it might not hurt to bad so i just yanked it off.

Now letmme tell you, if you have burnt your tongue drinking something hot, it feels like that except multiplied by a 1000. It feels like Satan just shot his hot fiery load right onto my tongue. im not really sure how to describe the feeling accurately but i felt a sort of burning sensation immediately after ripping the shovel off. For weeks i had these strips of bloody sores on my tongue. All because I was an idiot kid and decided to lick a frozen shovel during the winter.

Tldr; Satan came right on my tongue after i licked a frozen shovel because i was too stubborn to go get water