I had a job I had been at for over a decade which I absolutely hated with every bit of my being. But I felt trapped in it. Made pretty great money but the hours were horrible with horrible turnover which caused them to hire people incapable of doing the work just to keep it staffed and the downward cycle continued. That’s just the start of it. I recognize now that the universe was pushing me out. I kept getting called in to work crazy hours, 12+ hour shifts, missing weekends. I’d get called with short notice and had to come in because there was nobody else and I had to come in. I’m too honest to dodge phone calls 10 times.
One day my boss had me scheduled to come in early from 3am-3pm. I lived an hour away so this required me to go to bed at about 5:30pm or so on my Sunday in order to wake up at 1:30am so that I could get ready and drive in. I went to bed then, rolled around, finally fell asleep, and when I woke up at 1:30am I saw a text my boss had sent at midnight saying something to the effect of “oh hey, I forgot to text you, you don’t need to come in until 7am tomorrow, sorry!”
I became enraged to a point I have a hard time articulating here. I absolutely lost it. I tried to go back to sleep but I just laid in bed seething in anger. I thought I could cool down on my drive in and get with it, so I drove in and showed up to work unable to see straight. If I had seen my boss I most likely would have punched him in the face in order to knock him out and probably continued beating him. That’s how angry I was. So I basically, in front of all my coworkers, said fuck this bullshit I’ll see you all next week, walked out, got on a plane that day, and flew to my brothers house in Florida. They understood. I was too valuable to lose. Nothing happened to me at work. When I finally left several months later they begged me to stay. And I spent that entire week unable to shake my anger.
This triggered me to realize I had a serious anger problem and I had to do something about it. I had an exceptionally heavy pain body from work, a years long alcohol addiction I inherited from both parents, and a fixation on politics and doomerism. I was extremely fucking negative. So I finally began a meditation practice like I said I would for years and years. This finally made my years long attempts at kicking alcohol click and my mind cleared up.
At around that time my wife’s weirdo hippie yoga friend (who I fully and completely understand now) began dating this dude who turned out to be an astrologer who happened to love football. We hit it off. Both of us are weirdos with odd eclectic interests.
I was coming off a long spell of angry New Atheism, fuck Christianity, all religion is bullshit, fuck your god, god doesn’t exist shit and had softened my stance considerably from reading a long steady diet of Dostoyevsky and other old “high brow” literature along with dabbling in Jung and whatnot. Due to my new friend’s strange practices I began digging into it a bit, recalling my time looking at my natal chart in a Magic, Witchcraft, and Religion course I had taken for my minor in anthropology which I hadn’t quite managed to shake off. I began looking at astrology with this intense fixation and it all made sense. And then I found this website, I can’t recall which, that runs your horoscope for any specific date based on transits and your natal chart and I ran the date on which my boss didn’t call me. And I saw this and it all clicked.
I began getting crazy synchronicities, subtle voices in my head telling me what to do, gut feelings, and this feeling that is indescribable. Just joy, indescribable joy, all day and night, for weeks. Like I had finally recognized my soul and realized God absolutely 1,000,000% exists. It was and is still awesome. The journey continues but that was the start.
