Oh I know! Story time.

It started with him picking me up. We had known each other around a little bit as acquaintances from parties and things so I didn't feel nervous letting him be in charge of the ride. We were both in our early twenties and didn't have much money, so the plan was to go back to his place (his parent's place, really) and watch 300 which had just come out. So he showed up at my house, I got in the passenger side of his car and I noticed his skin was flaking off in patches on his neck. I mean like full on pieces of skin falling off him on to his shirt. I'm not shallow but it looked like a condition that I guess I had just never noticed before. It was off-putting a little but I let it go. We drive the 20 minutes to his house and even though his family isn't home he starts bitching while we park about his parents and his sister and how they bought his sister a new car just because he hit her and he is stuck with an old car and doesn't think that's fair. I was obviously weirded out by that but I didn't even know what to say so I just let it hang in silence. We got out of the car and I notice him walking with an extreme limp. I had never noticed him limping before and it seemed serious but he didn't acknowledge it, so neither did I. Upon opening the door to his house there are two sets of steps. We took the one going up. Immediately at the top of the stairs is a trail of what looks like chunks of granola bar spanning the hallway. He gestures to this and says "I know your favorite is white chocolate macadamia (we had briefly discussed favorite cookies online) but this is the best I could do." I looked at him quizzically because I was, you know, confused, so he explained that he had laid the trail out for me to follow. I did follow it because I kind of didn't have a choice and it led to a door. I opened the door and behind it is what looked like the bedroom of about a eleven year old boy - you know comic posters, walls painted bright blue with a cartoon wallpaper trim. Except this room is full to the brim with stuffed animals. Care bears, teeny beany babies, standard bears, vermont bears, stuffed dinosaurs, it had to be more than two hundred stuffed animals strewn all around the room... and the granola bar trail ends in a pile on his bed. I was like "What... no." He was like, "Just kidding! Want to watch 300?" I'm like "Uh... okay sure." He's like "Just kidding, that movie sucks, the only movie I am willing to watch is the best movie ever made - Pretty in Pink." I'm like "Uh... okay." He looks for pretty in pink. He can't find it. He cusses loudly for two minutes and calls his mom at work loudly demanding to know where his copy of this beloved movie is. She doesn't know. He decides we're going to watch a Land Before Time movie. He asks if I have a preference on Land Before Time Movies. I say "The one with the sharp tooth." He says "What are you a fucking idiot? There are two with sharp tooth. Do you mean five or thirteen?" I say I think I'd like to just go home. He agrees and we begin the ride in silence. About a mile from my house he starts speeding. He drives past my turn and starts ranting about how pretty girls think they can treat people however they want and he'd like to watch one of them realize how little power they really have while they die. I contemplate how much damage I would take tucking and rolling at this speed and mercifully right as I'm about to bite the bullet he turns on to my street from the other end and drops me off.

Next time I saw him was three years later. He was getting kicked out of my house by a roommate for peeing in our litter box during a party. Classic.