Hey, thanks for asking. Apologies for the lengthy reply. I share because I hope others who are/have been in labyrinth dark chapters can relate, and I think people don't talk enough about these things.

I've witnessed/outlined a life-path of de-idealization. (finding greater understanding of personal psychology through philosophy, mythology, world religions)

(Conformity -> Deidealization -> Nihilism -> Egoism -> Deidealization -> Absurdism -> Game Theory).

Game Theory was coined by Princeton Mathematician, John Nash ("A Beautiful Mind") - (love the scene of pushing a desk out the window)

It can be a mathematical philosophy applicable to social relationships, programming, and/or economics.

Game Theory proposes greater success of innovation by interdependent decision making.

Limited to a singular perspective, a person operates in a limited scope.

Slow ego dissolution, in this long book of chapters has emerged into Absurdism from Solipsistic Extremes of Renunciation and careless World Engagement has kept repeating renunciation - I've been a ground hog easily scared of his shadow and retreating for six more weeks of winter versus stressful running a rat wheel race that I'm over-spinning.

Finding a middle path, avoiding depression and...depression from addictive hubris is trying to find a delicate balance, and I'm not sure if it's best learned alone. (Big raft v Little Raft) I'd personally still like to figure out what/if anything, this body/mind can offer the world versus what the world needs/will allow.

I think one will find greater chance of success by lifting up other people, helping them to discover their personal goals, while finding people of similar interests/goals that will encourage one's own. If you can't find success economically, perhaps at least this can lead to better social relationships and a sense of belonging. It's still a long path towards the dissolution of the ego, and I'm certain more De-idealization. A path towards greater understanding through disillusionment will follow.

Personal searches for Truth can turn one from Philosopher into closed-minded sectarian.

I wish you luck and wellness! What chapter would you say you are on?

(Imposter Syndrome vs. Dunning Kruger)

"Truth comes as conqueror [and a bitter medicine] only to those who have lost the art of receiving it as friend. "          — Rabindranath Tagore