is it possible that he's distant because he's just not that into you?
You were talking about messaging and first meetings - so I assumed this scenario took place early on in the relationship. If a guy makes it blatantly clear he's into me before having to gotten to know me, I would think he's either just purely going off my looks, projecting his own idea onto me of the type of person he wants me to be, or is simply pursuing a relationship because he doesn't want to be single. I've dated plenty of these guys that end up not actually being interested in me as a person as much as just wanting someone to spoon them in bed and tell them everything's going to be alright.
Maybe he's just trying to not waste your time.
Feel like I have to mention I don't have anything Against direct guys. Like I mentioned, I've dated both direct and indirect guys in the past. Everyone isn't the way you've described them, and they certainly isn't all the way I have. When you ask "What would you rather prefer", I look at the question from the point of view of "Who would I get along with better based on how I develop feelings?", rather than "Who is the nicer guy?".
a lot of "indirect" guys are merely assholes who really aren't into dating and aren't willing to just tell you straight-up.
Well, if you would have put That in the description up top I would have answered differently lol. We naturally have different ideas of who these people are and what drives their indirect / direct behavior.
I'm not trying to attack you as a person; I'm just trying to challenge your beliefs, especially this notion of a "hunt". A lot of my friends long for guys who are basically unattainable (straight, in a relationship, emotionally damaged, etc), and their justification is often "oooh, I want it because I can't have it, and them ignoring me/treating me like crap is so 'manly'."
I love this post and the fact that you're so committed to replying and continuing the discussion with people. If I wasn't prepared to discuss different views I wouldn't have commented :D
And people being attracted to unattainable guys is a character flaw, but I think you'd have to separate those that limit themselves to only dating "Bad guys", from those that find themselves more attracted to "Bad guys" psychologically, but still date across the spectrum. You don't choose who you fall for, but limiting your options is obviously a choice, and I agree with you there that that's a bad thing to be doing to yourself.
When I talk about 'the hunt', it's just about being given that opportunity to show someone exactly what makes me special and better than all the other guys out there. If all I have to do to woo someone is show up on a date, look good and talk about my love for animals and tech - I'd feel like the person doesn't value or know themselves well enough to ask for more in a relationship than a "Nice guy with good values". When it comes to other people, I couldn't care less what bars they set for each other, as long as they're happy.