This is going to be a bit long.....

I was sucked out into the ocean about 1/4ish mile out thanks to the riptide. I was 7 and only weighed around 30 pounds (I was a really small kid) and I wasn't the strongest swimmer so I wasn't allowed in the water by myself (especially since the waves were bigger than I was at the time) but, my mom was okay with me playing in the damp sand where the water lapped up.

Well, I started to notice the sand around me was being pulled really hard but I thought it was pretty cool so I continued to build little hills and watch them wash away. What I didn't notice was that I was also moving into the water as well.

It happened in what felt like a blink of my eye. One second I am playing in the sand, the next everyone on the beach were getting smaller and smaller. Looking more and more like ants. I was screaming and trying to swim towards them. I still remember the sound my life jacket made as I struggled in it and the burn it created from chaffing. Waves were hitting me and there would be darkness and the taste of salt in my mouth, and my throat feeling like fire.

I started growing tired but I kept trying to swim. I could still hear the collective yell of the crowed that had gathered on the beach but it was getting fainter each time I was pulled under by a wave. I remember looking out to where I was heading and I felt true panic. It has been 15 years since this happened and I have never felt this type of panic since. I remember when I stopped being able to hold myself up with my legs and the way I sunk into my life jacket. The water hitting my chin as I bobbed.

That moment was when my dad reached me. He grabbed onto me and started to kick us in the direction of the shore. I don't remember much of him swimming us back.. Just more waves and mouthfuls of water. He will recall the fact he remembered hitting the floor of the ocean a few times when some of the bigger waves hit.

After what felt like hours, he gets us to where he can start to walk more instead of swim and it was heavenly to know I was so close of being out. My mom grabbed onto me and didn't let me go until we were at our car. Seeing her so afraid didn't register until a few years later and I hope I never am put in another situation where she has that look again.

I am terrified of the ocean when riptide is bad or the waves are too big. I can swim excellently and know the proper ways to swim out of riptide but I can't go anywhere near the water when the conditions are similar to when I was pulled out. I was in my teens when we went back to that beach and it didn't really click until I saw the waves and I broke down into tears.

I have been in the ocean a few times since then when the water was extremely calm and I stayed close to shore but any large body of water... I can't help but feel fear.