You’re trying to use inclusiveness and acceptance as an analog for how progressive a place is. Unfortunately, white american progressivism is mostly not the bastion of inclusivity and tolerance it desperately insists that it is. It’s often more of a self obsessed crusade to absolve yourself of white guilt and attempt to bestow upon other white people. Many white progressives won’t associate with people who they feel are morally inferior. But to them moral inferiority has less to do with character and more to do with “do you agree with agree with everything I think and say?” Obviously this leads to very insular echo chambers of white people who otherise anyone who doesn’t think or act like them and tokenize anyone who doesn’t look like them. Because it was never really about creating a more inclusive community.

If you want to make a difference, just fucking talk to someone like a regular person. Don’t try and be someone else’s mouthpiece. Don’t try and project your morality. Use your own individual voice and your own genuine individual thoughts. Expect others to do the same in turn and respect them for it. We all have a wealth of individual experiences and knowledge, and it’d do us well to not fight it when we have our perspectives challenged.