What was your worst roommate experience?

My husband had a crazy friend (she was barely even a friend really, more of an acquaintance) who randomly decided after about 7 years of he and I being together that she was his best friend, and that I had somehow been standing in the way of their beautiful, deep friendship all throughout those 7 years.

In reality, I had never stood in the way of anything. My husband used to do drugs with her and then when he and I met he stopped doing drugs, and therefor almost entirely stopped hanging out with all his "drug buddies." It's my understanding that this is a pretty common occurrence (and nobody else seemed to be confused by it) but this girl fixated an inordinate amount of hatred and suspicion onto me, and had an entirely imaginary narrative in her mind about how I was clearly a horrible person who had intentionally and maliciously "stolen" her "best friend" away, and that this was against the laws of the universe because he and her were destined to be BFFs.

We would see her very occasionally, usually only when something special was going on like it was someone's birthday and we would be hanging out with a group of people. I went to her house with my husband exactly twice before I told him that I didn't want to go over there ever again, but that he was free to go alone if he were so inclined. This was because both times I was at her house with nobody else around, I got lectured. The first time was her talking for probably 20 minutes about how I shouldn't feel threatened by her and my husband's friendship because she was gay. No matter how much I said stuff like "Um, okay, I'm not threatened, I knew you were gay, but I also consider that irrelevant, my husband has plenty of female friends..." she just kept talking anyway, purely for the joy of hearing herself talk, I assumed. The next time, I got lectured about what great friends they were, and how he was "her dude," and how they were going to be the best of friends until they were "in diapers together." I just nodded, let my eyes glass over, and said nothing, because I knew 100% that their friendship was shallow at best, but I wasn't even about to stir up a confrontation with someone who had reached that level of crazy, or entertain the notion she clearly had that her and I were somehow in some sort of "competition" for my husband's friendship.

Basically, she was an insane narcissist whose ego obscured reality so badly that she couldn't for a second consider that maybe my husband just didn't give that much of a fuck about her. It simply had to be my fault.

Due to a long series of unfortunate events, we ended up having to go fucking stay with her for a short period of time. I pretty much knew that it was going to be an utter disaster in some way or another, but my husband insisted that it would be fine. From the beginning it was agreed that he and I would do pretty much all of the housework (in addition to paying her) in order to say thanks for letting us stay.

For a few days things seemed pretty normal, but then the craziness started bubbling to the surface. She started talking as if he and I were going to be living with her forever. She'd ramble on about plans for us moving to a farm and living off the land, etc. I didn't want to cause any trouble, so I'd just smile and nod and then behind closed doors I would ask my husband what the fuck she was talking about. He would shrug and say "I dunno, I told her we'd only be here for a little while. I just let her think whatever she wants, it's easier that way."

Needless to say, I felt uneasy, but we had nowhere else to go at that point, and I didn't want to stir the pot.

She started to flip flop between telling us how great we were and how fabulous life was going to be, and insanely lecturing us (mostly me) about completely asinine things. Like if we moved something when we were cleaning, she would complain. If we put something in the kitchen back in the "wrong" place after doing the dishes, she would complain. If my husband put any dishes away without making sure they were 100% dry, she would complain. She would come up with reasons to call us any time we were out of the house together without her. One time it was to complain about there being three whole dishes in the sink. Another was something like "Have you seen (insert random household object that we'd have no reason to move) because I can't find it." We couldn't even get through a meal or a shopping trip together without her calling about something. One time she even came into my room to lecture me about how I should've gone into her room while I was cleaning the house and gotten her dirty clothes and washed them, and how disrespectful it was of me not to do that. She'd stand over me when I was doing basic things like cooking food or washing my hands, and tell me that I was doing it wrong. She tried to tell us not to flush the toilet when we peed. She'd freak out if we took longer than 10 minutes in the shower. We took care of her dogs when she wasn't home, but if she ever saw us interacting with them when she was home she'd usually have something to say about how we were doing it "wrong." If we were hanging out watching TV or playing a board game or something and she didn't like the way I was fidgeting, she would scold me like a child. If I didn't speak to her in exactly the way she wanted, she would have a fit and complain to my husband that she didn't like it when people talked at her rather than to her. Then she would turn around the next day and try to ask me to go hang out with her somewhere alone because we needed to "get closer."

With a list of crazy like that, you'd assume we stayed with her for some large amount of time before all these issues came up. But no, this was all within just a few weeks.

Of course I was upset during all of this. My husband and I had many heated conversations about her insane behavior and all he would ever say was "I'll try to tell her to back off a little." and I would warn him every time that I could grin and bear many things for a while, but that at some point I would flip the hell out and be done with it, and that would be that.

The straw that broke the camel's back? I took too long in the shower one morning. I had to be at work at 6am and I was practically a zombie trying to wash myself at 5am, and I took somewhere around 13 minutes to do it instead of 10. When I walked out of the bathroom, she was in the kitchen waiting for me. She shook her head and started making the usual mouth sounds that would indicate that she was about to lecture me, and I snapped. I quickly and loudly informed her that someone being in the bathroom when you need it is just a part of having fucking roommates, and then headed to my room to tell my husband that he'd better go deal with his upset "friend" before I shoved my thumbs into her fucking eye sockets. He quickly went to the kitchen to ask her what her problem was. I could hear her completely lying and saying that she hadn't said or done anything to me and that if she'd seemed to look at me funny, it was only because she hadn't put her glasses on yet. At that point I was ready to break somebody's ass. I swiftly re-entered the kitchen and started going off on the bitch. I couldn't tell you now what all I said. I know I said something about her lying to my husband and her being a total psycho in general, but I'm sure I probably just used absurd amounts of profanity and sounded insane myself. She responded by turning to my husband and telling him that she was going to "knock me the fuck out," as if, on any planet in our solar system, that would somehow be an appropriate thing to say to my spouse (or anybody's spouse, for that matter). I thought my husband might really lose it on her at that point, but he kept calm and told her to go outside and talk with him so that I could get ready for work before I was late.

I called out of work that day, and went and pawned my engagement ring so that we could afford to move in with some people from craigslist. I refused to go within ten feet of that bitch ever again. He stopped speaking to her after he moved our things out.

A few weeks after we left, she started texting him to ask about shit she supposedly couldn't find at her house and to say "I miss your face!" He never responded, and we changed our numbers. A few months passed, and her mother called him at his place of work to ask if we could help her because she'd gone to stay with the crazy bitch, and now needed help getting out of there. He declined (not that we really could've helped anyway) but gave her mom his mobile number to be polite. A few years passed, and he got some random texts from the crazy bitch, trying to say she was just "cleaning out her phone" and asking if he still happened to live in the area. He didn't respond, and blocked the number. If we hear anything else from her, we'll just change our numbers again.

I've never experienced anything like her in my life, and I hope I never do again, because what the fuck.

/r/AskReddit Thread