My [28M] GF [27F] went to a club with a guy she has previously had sex with, got drunk, and spent the night at his place

This is our conversation

[Her] 3/20, 4:16pm

i'm thinking about going to this club to see [REM DJ] w/ [The Guy] tonight

so i'm not sure how late i'll be, unless we decide not to go because of snow

[Me] 3/20, 5:36pm

I think I'll stay here tonight because of the snow as well and come tomorrow morning

[Her] 3/20, 5:36pm

ok sweetie

[Me] 3/20, 5:37pm

I was going to brave it, but if you won't be around until late, then I might as well hang in the safeness

[Her] 3/20, 5:38pm

yeah you might as well wait til tomorrow so the snow gets cleared

[Me] 3/20, 9:57pm

So much snow. Cleared off my car just now

[Me] 3:59am

Did you get home okay?

[Me] 5:43am


[Her] 11:24am

Hey sweetie

I'm ok but I just stayed at Navied's place because it was so late and I was so tired

I am also very hungover

Threw up a few times

Let me know when you wake up though.

[Me] 1:59pm


[Her] 1:59pm

hey sweetie

[Me] 1:59pm

I'm up. Did you get home?

[Her] 2:00pm

not yet, i am still hanging out at [The Guy]'s

i'll leave either when you leave or when i feel better

feeling better than this morning but still somewhat sick

i think by the time you come over I should be well enough to shop and stuff

[Me] 2:03pm

I mean, I'm free. I was going to come this morning when I messaged you and just sleep at your place.

[Her] 2:05pm

i was asleep when you messaged me

i'm free as well if you still want to come over

[Her] 2:11pm

or not


[Her] 2:50pm

talk to me?

[Me] 2:53pm

I'm here

Just don't know what to say

Do you have a good way of getting home?

[Her] 2:55pm

I mean, I was really drunk and wasn't sure if it would be wise for me to go back on my own

[Me] 2:56pm

Probably wouldn't have been, no

I would have just appreciated a message

[Her] 2:56pm

I fell asleep though and didn't see your message when until i woke up

[Me] 2:56pm

Either I could have come and picked you up, or at least I would have known where you were

[Her] 2:58pm

sorry, I guess I didn't think about that

I guess I could have also called an uber but it would have been like 200+

[Me] 2:59pm

There was no need. I would have just picked you up and we could have both went back to your place

[Her] 3:00pm

I dunno, guy or girl I would let any friend stay at my place when drunk.

I did wonder what you would think though

I just hope you trust me enough

[Me] 3:01pm

The difference is that I don't spend the night at my ex girlfriend's houses

So you never have to explore how you would feel about that

It's not a question of trust, but rather of respect

Do you respect me enough to consider how I feel when you don't reply for a whole night and I have no idea where you ended up.

No, you don't. Hence I feel like shit.

[Her] 3:03pm

I'm really sorry I didn't see your message. Next time I'll just call an uber, but I do respect you enough to at the very least let you know where I am and that I'm ok

I wouldn't be mad if you stayed with a friend (ex or not) as long as you were honest about where you were at

[Me] 3:05pm

I stayed up until like 8:30 and then went "fuck it, I don't have the energy to keep this up" and went to sleep.

[Her] 3:06pm

If you don't want me to stay at his place anymore then I won't. I'll just call you or an uber next time

i don't want to make you uncomfortable

I'm sorry that I worried you so much...

[Me] 3:07pm

I mean, my comfort is just not something you are putting very highly on your priority list

Like, I feel like we've been here before

I don't want to be a broken record and I don't want to hold you back.

As I keep saying, you are an independent person and have every right to do whatever you want. I don't want to control our life. But the choices you make impact our relationship. That's all I'm saying.

[Her] 3:13pm

I will keep that in mind. Whatever I do, I want to make sure you at least know about it.

If there is anything I do that makes you uncomfortable then I will stop

[Her] 3:37pm

I love you, I hope you know that

[Me] 3:41pm

So what's the plan now? Are you feeling better?

[Her] 3:45pm

i dunno, i thought we were going to go shopping or something today but I guess not

[Me] 3:47pm

Me too

So are you staying there for now?

[Her] 3:51pm

yeah i guess i'll just hang out there for a while, probably will get lunch or something and then head home

[Me] 3:52pm

Okay then

I'm still free, but you do you, as they say

[Me] 4:19pm

I'm curious, what does [The Guy] think about all this? He didn't ask whether I would be concerned about it?

[Her] 4:23pm

no, he thought it was ok and thought you didn't mind as long as I stayed just to sleep off the drunk and nothing beyond that

meaning if it's something he would do for any platonic friend then thought you would be fine with it

[Me] 4:25pm

Yes, but you're still there

And I'm here

[Her] 4:25pm

well because we fought...

[Me] 4:25pm

Basically waiting for you

[Her] 4:25pm

i was going to leave as soon as I heard you wake up so we can go shopping

or until i felt well enough to get up and leave

But then we started fighting so I wasn't sure if you didn't want to do anything anymore

So now I'm just sitting here playing hearthstone and watching TV

[Me] 4:27pm

Well I think we should talk face to face, don't you think?

Try and clear the air?

Or you can just stay there o_O

[Her] 4:27pm

i think we should talk face-to-face. I'm not sure about today though

[Me] 4:27pm

I can't figure you out

[Her] 4:28pm

honestly i sort of just want some space right now

[Me] 4:28pm

You got it

[Her] 4:28pm

maybe come over tomorrow or later tonight

eh just come tomorrow or monday

i need a day to sleep on it

but we should talk face-to-face i agree

[Me] 4:30pm

I'm at a loss for words, to be honest

[Her] 4:30pm


[Me] 4:30pm

Because given what just happened, of the two of us, you're the one asking for space

[Her] 4:32pm

well, i guess i'm just tired of being the bad guy all the time.

[Me] 4:32pm

So rather than stopping doings things that hurt me, the solution is to push me away?

[Her] 4:32pm

i'm not pushing you away....

i just want a fucking day to be alone

[Me] 4:32pm

I hate to be so blunt, but you're not alone, right?

[Her] 4:33pm

no i'm with [The Guy] and his roommate

/r/relationships Thread