Look, I don't want to say something mean because really I just pity you. I mean, just look at yourself. You live in this bubble where you can justify whatever modicum of self-worth you have, but it's not earned self-worth. It's an illusion you create so you can sleep at night. I don't want to take that illusion away from you because that'd be like telling a kid there's no Santa Clause. You think that maybe deep down, hidden behind all of the mediocrity there's actually a good, wholesome human being, but the sad fact is that there really is nothing passed skin deep for you.

You know that fear that you have deep down in the back of your mind, wondering if everybody hates you, if they are all putting on a facade just to deal with your shit until you leave, if they hate being around you, and talk about you behind your back? Well they do and justifiably so. It's entirely because of the person you are.

And some days, you're going to think that you've finally changed, that you've finally understood your issues and successfully gone to fix them. But nothing will have changed. You're going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you've finally figured out what's holding you back, what's preventing you from finally being productive and creative and that you'll turn your life around. But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn't due to some obstacle.

It's who you are.

The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.

I really hope that you can make it through life without looking too hard and seeing that you have no real value as a human being. I hope you can die with your blissful ignorance intact. So please, keep your head in the sand where you're not just a walking bag of shit.