Maybe this isn't the right place to say this idk maybe I should make a post but whatever this is where i feel comfortable i guess talking about this...
First off i'm adopted and a trans racial adoptee at that (i'm Mixed race native and my mom is white). I've suspected my mom is a narcissist for a really long while now but sometimes i have my doubts?
I love her, a lot I do. I mean at times she's nurturing like any mother should be and she's kind and caring but other times she's mean and cold and uses things against me like my failed education in high school, and my adoption even?
Today we went out to cash my checks that i get every month for my orphan benefit (my dad passed away last september and i thought my mom might get better after he did since he was very sick and the stress of that made everyone freak out, i thought she was just bad because of that stress of my dad dying...) and my mom was perfectly fine the whole time we were out... even when we were bagging groceries after which is a big surprise because usually she's just terrible when i'm helping bag (i'm think it's probably because as she was loading the groceries up though i ran off to grab whip cream and mouthwash since we'd forgotten and she didn't have to do it for once. she has a messed up leg after breaking it so whether she's shitty to me or not obviously im going to do that for her).
Anyway though we get home and my little sister has ended up lying to me about having let my dogs out to pee all day, so they'd been in the cage for nearly 24 hours by the time we got home (they went to bed around 11:30 last night and they didn't get out today until about 7:40 when i let them out after getting home) and so this of course started a fight where my sister tried to gang up on me and get my mom to take her side but for once my mom was having none of it.
This in turn had my sister going downstairs and out of my moms reach of word violence so, in needing someone to yell at, she turned it on me, of course.
Now, I have a really bad cold and by the time I got home i had a splitting migraine so i was sitting at the table reading the box for my Dayquil and i asked a question about it and my mom just started screaming at me like, just yelling as loud as she could and i asked her, through near tears, to please stop and she just continued and called my question stupid. I honestly felt like my head was splitting so I just stopped fighting her and put my hands over my ears and eventually she stopped and was decent for the rest of the night.
She does this often among other things that are much worse. That's about as physically abusive as she gets with me though. If I'm in pain already, she'll escalate it by either making me do physical work for her if I have joint paint or by yelling at me when she sees me taking tylenol because she assumes rightly that i have a migraine (i get them frequently). She tries to excuse her yelling by trying to one up me by going "I have a headache too!" when I tell her to stop yelling at me.
I also mentioned I was a trans racial adoptee well, she often makes very racist comments while watching the news because she knows that i'll get very upset both because of my race and my status as a supporter of equality. she also makes frequent homophobic and transphobic comments because she is aware of my pansexuality (thought i've come out to her many times because she magically 'forgets') an knows that it upsets me...
idk why im posting this... i mean other than the small incident today she's been pretty nice and kind for the past week or so. maybe im doubting that niceness and thats why im posting this? i keep thinking she can't possibly be narcissistic because she's so nice and i genuinely love her but then sometimes she can be SO mean and so textbook narcissist that im not sure anymore?
i guess i just want validation? and also just someone to share their own stories with me? i feel like the only reason she's being nice is because i got money and she was quick to ask for one of my checks saying i "owed her" for all the gifts and clothes she'd bought me in the last couple months :/..
idk.... thanks or reading.