i know i am late to the party, and this might not ever be seen, so i am going to go on a rant. I was actually thinking about this subject earlier today, about how my dad never taught me anything my entire life. i wish i saw this post sooner. But i was outside, shoveling, i have been digging out my neighbors cars all winter, for free, and i havent heard a single thank you from any of them. i was upset about it, especially since we got a good amount of snow, and i knew i shouldnt waste my energy on them anymore. i kept shoveling, after i said to myself 'keep shoveling their cars out, you are better than that' and 'thats not how i was raised'. i thought afterwards, 'well, my mom never taught me any lessons like this or gave me any advice when i was a kid, so why the hell do i do things because of how i was taught, when nobody taught me anything?'. I also thought, 'my dad didnt teach me a damn thing ever'. not one. my dad took his own life when i was two years old. nobody told me how he died until i was 20 years old. so growing up was definitely hard, a lot of emotions. jealousy of all the other kids, of their families, their money, their vacations and love. my anger that i will never have those things. anger that i never got to be social with my mom working nights. a lot of emotions. especially later in life, after i had found out that he had killed himself. so much anger for so long. but i dont really care anymore. i am a grown ass man, and me and my brother grew up just fine. we arent drug dealers, serial killers, or anything bad. we are good people who shovel out other peoples cars for no reason. so what i learned from my dad, and his death, is that we deal with things as they come. he taught me at a young age that life isnt fair. he taught me we dont get what we want. he taught me that fucked up cards will be dealt to us, and theres nothing we con do about it. and now, i am proud of who i am. i am far from perfect, but i have worked for everything i have, and it would likely be a lot different for me if he was around. his death taught me how to be grateful, how to appreciate the little things, how to enjoy things like shoveling snow. i am not a very good writer, or really holding a thought, i think that is really all i have to say. thanks to anyone who read this. i dont usually talk about any of this stuff, i guess it's good to let that thought out. i am proud of the person i've become, and i dont want to say i am happy that he wasnt around when i was a kid, but i do want to say i am very happy with the person it made me. i am glad i had that moment today to realize that even though he wasnt around, he still taught me most of the things about being a man that i know today. tldr; i thought my dad was a dickbutt but he wasnt after all