Shit, man. I'm 19 and I won't act like I know shit about the world. I battle suicidal thoughts daily, the only reason I haven't killed myself this week is because I have a bad sunburn, and the method I have chosen would be too painful with this sunburn (for real).
My suicidal thoughts started with my skank ex-girlfriend who cheated, lied, threatened me with arrest after sending me nudes, etc. She was crazy, her mother loved me because I called her out on it. She cheated with an abusive dude, I 'saved' her from it, she cheated again. Class Z cunt, you know?
After she left the second time I was sure I was gonna off myself. I found a shotgun in my fathers closet and pulled the trigger, but it was unloaded and I have no idea how to gun. I don't even think it clicked.
6 months passed and I realized how fucking stupid it was to kill myself over a person who obviously doesn't give a fuck about me. She was a whore and a liar. Fuck her.
I won't give you advice on the suicidal thoughts, because I have none, and I battle it hourly.
But don't be sad about your ex. Be mad. You idiot, you're wasting time caring about her. I know this sounds rough and it means nothing to you, but eventually you'll realize that she is nothing.
Something to think about when it comes to depression and suicide:
Every day I think about tomorrow and I would rather be dead than wake up. Every day. I turn 20 next month and I want to be dead before I can legally buy booze in my country. I assume you're a bit older, and I hope you don't have it as bad as me. The thing that keeps me going is looking forward to something. anything.
For me, I look forward to art. Making art, experiencing art, feeling art. etc. Every time I feel myself getting too close to the edge, I'll paint something. or i'll write. Or i'll meet up with someone and help them with art.
Do something wild, man. You sometimes feel like killing yourself, right? So you can do anything. I hitchhiked across the state and had a brilliant time one night because I felt like dying. I had to explain my disappearance to my father, but I assume he would rather me do wild shit than find my corpse, you know?
If you live in FL, hit me up and lets meet up and do some wild shit or make some wild art and forget about losers.