Another alcoholic here checking in. Here's some of mine:
Concussed myself with a grill handle after falling into it headfirst at my bestfriend's wedding.
Wanted to add gas to the bonfire so I grabbed the squirt top gatorade bottle I had drunkenly put the fuel into earlier. The tip caught on fire so I slammed it to the ground and then jumped on it, causing flames to shoot out about fifteen feet all over dried leaves.
Ran from the cops (on foot) more times than I can count. Always got away though.
This one was my stepbrother but I was there unfortunately... Flooded 3 floors of a Motel 8 by getting drunk, vomiting and shitting in the bathtub and then passing out on the floor. The bodily fluids clogged the bathtub causing it to overflow. This one was pretty expensive.
Again with my stepbrother. Decided to have a "reverse race" through our field in our shitty first cars. Wrecked into a few trees.
Shot my friend with a BB gun. The BB is still in his leg.
Smoked synthetic Marijuana called "Spice" because I was on a sort of probation and got piss tested. Would not recommend. Anyway, my SiL is the one that talked me into smoking it after already drunk off my ass and proceeded to molest me in the kitchen while my SO was in the living room. Not really my fault, but I was hammered.
Fell asleep on a tube in the river I thought I had secured to a tree. Woke up about 5 miles down river at about 1 a.m. with a cooler full of beer tied off to my leg. This one was really stupid.
Knocked my ceiling fan off my ceiling because I was on shrooms as well and was mad at the "goddamn trailer bugs" flying around the light string.