Nearly ten years ago, a man broke into my apartment and sexually assaulted me. My life fell apart and I sank into a depression. I never let anyone know how much I was hurting and just internalized everything. I was jumpy, irrationally angry at the drop of a hat, moody, listless. Everything was terrible.
Slowly, I got better. I realized that I was going to be okay. I resolved to not let my attacker win; I would live my life. Actually, LIVE my life, instead of going through the motions to try and make others feel better about my situation.
About a year later, I decided that it was TIME to live. It was time for me to break out of my comfort zone, to scare myself, and to do something I'd wanted to do since I was 15: I was going to go to Paris. Alone. One credit card and a few travel books later, my airline tickets and hotel arrangements were paid for.
Months later, I was in Paris. I wandered. I explored. I ditched my travel guides and travel books and just went where my heart told me. And I wasn't scared. Not once. I'd been violated nearly a year earlier, but here I was taking my life back, one step at a time through a foreign city.
On my next-to-last day in the city, I decided I should eat a nice, Parisian meal. I'd walked past this one particular cafe a million times during my two weeks there and just felt like that was the place I should go. I prepared my eating-alone bag (books, notebook, sketching pencils) and headed out just as it started raining. It felt right. It felt refreshing. It felt like a rebirth.
When I got to the cafe, I ordered my meal in my butchered French, enjoyed a glass of wine, and started reading my book (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, btw). The rain kept falling well after I was done eating, so I stayed at my table, alternating between reading and taking in every single detail of my day.
That was the moment where I got my life back. That was the moment I told myself that I was going to be okay. That was the moment I silently told myself that I would no longer let one night hold my entire life hostage. That was the moment I won. And I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life.
They say that Paris is the City of Lights, but for me, it's the City of Life.