Throwaway account. Never needed one before, but this question brought it out of me. Need to talk because there's literally a list for this answer. I am haunted by these things and cannot talk to anyone about them. This stuff literally depresses me and I just wish I could confess it to someone free of judgment. Reddit, help. Please.

Exposed to concept of sex at age 6 by biological cousin (male, told me, in detail, what he saw his parents doing). Had multiple experiences with cousin-by-marriage (female, no blood relation) as a result of curiosity. She's a lesbian now, and I sometimes wonder if it's because I messed the idea of men up for her.

Used to walk a person in the neighborhood's dog every day after school. Would take it inside and let it sniff around and lick my crotch after its walks because I wanted to know what it was like.

Would cause numerous viruses on my parents' computer due to my overloaded late night porn consumption. Continuously blamed my younger brother, who had never even heard of porn, and was as innocent as could be. He eventually suffered from a pretty bad addiction to it, and I believe it was because I inadvertently opened it up to him by him getting in major trouble with my parents.

Fondled another cousin in her sleep (sister of cousin who originally told me about sex).

Stole unfathomable amounts of cash from my dad because I wanted to buy things like cigarettes.

Had really dangerous sexual encounters with girls who were more-than-questionable. The fact that I'm clean is a miracle.

Made up a lie for no reason that a kid had punched me at school. When I couldn't identify him, my older brother asked some kids around the school if they knew who it might be. They said a name, I agreed that it was him. Had never heard of him in my life. My older brother ended up wrecking this completely innocent kid, for no reason other than my stupid little kid lie.

Killed my younger sister's pet hamster because I decided to "hacky-sack" it, thinking I was being gentle enough. It was seriously one of the only things she loved. I put it back in its cage and let it be.

Smashed my younger brother's head against the corner of a brick landing. I told everyone it was because I thought he was tripping and tried to stop him, and he ended up falling the wrong way, in reality I just did it, just because. There was no maliscious intent in it, but I still have no reason for grabbing and pulling him. When he suffered some hard times learning growing up, I'd think back to this, every time.

Seriously contemplated murdering the new boyfriend of an ex-girlfriend because he manipulated her into leaving me. To the point that I had drawn up plans of how to get away with it, and followed him home from work one night.

During a vacation at the summer home, we were at a water park, which was heavily populated, and I swam around groping as many different girls as I could underneath their bathing suits. Because of how busy it was, there was no way for any of them to catch me.

I have sat and wondered about all of these things for hours on end sometimes. Nowadays, I'm a perfectly normal, functioning member of society, working a great job, making good money, married to the girl of my dreams. But I look back on my life and can't fathom some of the things I've done. I know some of it may not seem as extreme as other things on here, but there was so much of it that occurred for me at such a young age, I just don't get it. The regret has been awful. The depression from it sometimes unsustainable. The fact that you read this and heard me out means something. I'm scared to hit Enter, because of the backlash that might come. But I needed to talk. Thanks.