May as well say it here since I've never really talked about it:

my ex raped me and I was too spineless to do anything about it. I rolled along with this charade of happiness for a couple of years and I wasted good times in college, my health, my friends, and potential relationships with other women because I was genuinely terrified of what would happen if I ended things with her. I don't know where that came from; it was this sense that if I said something, she'd do something drastic to herself or that I'd just end up even more isolated from people for "ending things with my amazing girlfriend for no good reason". Everyone loved her- book-smart, pretty, etc. Everyone still does. She had a really unique way of making me feel awfully guilty anytime I tried to do things I wanted to do. No, I'm not the guy complaining that his girlfriend is mad about him going and getting drunk multiple nights a week or potentially playing around with other women. I'm the guy complaining about how even going out for a beer after class or hanging at a friend's house for a few hours on a Saturday was stuff to avoid doing because it would instigate passive aggressiveness, upset, and hurt that I didn't want to deal with. That was the first yea after it happened and the second year, we lived together because I was too spineless to say I wanted space from her clingy-ness.

I finally ended things about two weeks ago and straight up told her that I couldn't stand being in a relationship that made me hate myself so much.

"Red flag" lesson: if someone who says they love you does this to you, that should be a sign to step the fuck back