i know the guy since i was 14. he was 17. he asked me out whe i turned 15, i was having problems with my mental health and vanished. came back years later, found him on fb and started an online thing. it lasted three years. i never went to see him in person, never traded photos (just one) and never video chatted with him all because of my depression. i knew he was going to get tired of it and end it, and he did just that months ago. he stopped answering my texts on fb (the only form of contact we had). every now and then he reads the last message i sent it and then marks it as unread. also, he's still my fb friend. i unsubscribed from him because it hurts to see him on the newsfeed, but yeah.

i'm trying to deal with all of it and just...get better first. he never knew why i never wanted to see him, never knew about the depression/anxiety and how i've tried to kill myself in the past. he got a new job that was time consuming and we grew apart there and we couldn't chat anymore because he was exhausted and then i lashed out on him and he didn't know how to respond. he doesn't know how to deal with conflict and i'm pretty sure he assumed i just wanted to have virtual sex for the rest of our lives. which is pathetic, especially considering the times he hinted or flat out asked me out and i found a way to bail and lead the conversation to sexting.

so i don't really blame him for 'leaving', and i'm aware that most of it was my fault because if i were him and the girl i liked kept trying to sext with me every damn opportunity she got and kept finding excuses not to see me in person, i'd just stop talking too.

the fact that he put up with it for 3 years comforts and saddens me the most because, i mean, he could have left in the first year. in the first few months, actually. he could have found someone back then and that's it, but no, he put up with me for 3 years doing this online thing and made plans with me and told me his secrets and people kept warning me about how it was reaching a limit and he was going to leave if i didn't see him this year and that's exactly what happened.

even though i understand his side, it still hruts, especially when i see him posting stuff online or talking to someone else (why i unsubscribed).

i guess it opened my eyes and now i'm seeking a therapist to deal with my issues. i hope that when this is over and i get a bit better, we can fix this.