I think I just realized it recently. We don't talk as much as we used to. She's moved on to other people to latch on to. Its kind of my fault, I got weird and possessive bc for a long time we were inseparable, and then suddenly we weren't. I leaned on her too much emotionally and when I got to a low point she kind of had just had enough. I tried to force things like they used to be, this led to her ignoring me and purposely shunning me, I realized that my behavior was kind of shitty so I strived to change that. But we did get into one night while drunk, we talked things out the next day. Apologized to each other. But things never really did go back to the way they were before, they couldn't, I wouldn't want them too, it wasn't healthy for me, and it drove her nuts. Its weird, we're still really good friends, but I don't have the level of closeness I had with her before. She's changed a lot, maybe not though. Maybe she always was this way and I didn't realize it. But I've changed a lot for the better in my opinion, so I don't really need that emotional closeness that I had before. It makes me sad though that things are different now. Its for the best but I miss the times when we'd hang out all day, most days. I miss waking up to texts from here, I miss when either she was always at my house or I was always at hers. I realize that people change, and I don't hold any ill will towards her, but I wish things could have been different. Bc I think the way that things went down really put a divide between us. And now I dont feel as close to her bc the ghost of that divide is still there. Like if I even tried to emotionally connect with her like i used to she would be put off bc of history and just shun me. Maybe I'm being insecure and projecting bc I'm ashamed of my feelings and actions. But idk at the end of the day. I just know things are different and they won't go back to the way they were. They probably never will and that's why I don't think we're best friends anymore.