Just recently (weeks to a couple months) I've started realizing a lot of my behaviour is quite alarming and manipulative. I'm not sure if I really feel things or just act like I do because I don't want to get figured out if that makes sense. I don't know how to explain it but it's like I can do awful things and I think I feel guilt and regret but as soon as I feel like I'm in the clear the feeling goes away and I repeat doing bad things. I also try to learn as much about people as I can to use it against them in subtle ways and make them fight with each other. This has all just really started making sense to me recently. Up until now I've always rationalized my behaviour so that I could explain it to myself but it's apparent that I don't really have any real reasons for acting the way that I do so it worries me slightly. But I get over it quickly.