Shrek. Shrek. Shrek.

He’s all I think about. My name is Eddie. That wasn’t always my name. It’s just what he’s called me ever since I came to the swamp. I think there was another Eddie before me, I don’t know what happened to him though - Shrek doesn’t like to talk about the past.

He’s not very vocal except for when we’re making love. Sometimes I’ll bite the haystack to stifle my screams so I can focus on his groans. I have treasure each grunt and groan since that’s the only indication of pleasure he ever shows.

And it’s not because he’s ungrateful, no, his gratefullness manifests itself in the form of a stiff, girthy, green rod that would put Jack’s beanstalk to shame. He’s just a man of few words. He’s been like that ever since we met...

Ah, I’ll never forget the moment we met. I was hiking in the woods and had this feeling that I was being watched. The feeling kept getting more and more intense until I looked behind me one last time to see nothing but the forest once more. But this time, when I turned back, there he was. Right in front of me in all his majestic naked viridescens. I felt all the blood rushing out of my head just before everything went green.

I woke up a little later to a swaying motion with my hands and legs tied. At first I assumed that I was tied to some type of horse and carriage, but the blood pumping through the huge vein that was pressed tight against my cheek clued me in to where I was. Tied against his gigantic 7 foot long green member.