Well, my friends, here it is.

Firstly, OP's real name is William. William Smith, to be exact. As for me, my name really isn't Jenny. My name is Jeff. Jazzy Jeff. And Will just doesn't want to reveal his real name just yet. Will moved to our current town from West Philadelphia. You see, Will wasn't like the other kids. He fought with a lot of kids on the playground. And so he turned to me for comfort and love. And one day, Will's aunt and uncle called him up and told him he could get away from all the harassment and abuse. They told him to back his bags and move to Bel Air. We were on the airplane, sipping champaign when I noticed this beautiful Asian-Black mixed, 5'2, 240 pound male. He was eating Doritos and had the newest flavor of Mountain Dew. When I looked at him, he tipped his fedora at me. His "M'Dj" was barely comprehensible but in my heart I knew it was real. His fedora, oh, his fuckin fedora. It was FELT! So after we got off the plane, I wanted this guy's number. His name, my friends, was Zachary. And Zack here wasn't like other guys. He was a moderator of /r/atheism, and a brony. He wanted to meet up one day. So he texted me and I said my friend Carly would want to come to, so we could play some World of Warcraft. And Will got really jealous. He tried to follow us for the entire 350 mile trip. After our little WoW session, I was beat. I drank some Mountain Dew and took a little nap on the Futon. I couldn't get home because Carly took the car. How else could I get home? Well, I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air