that’s real and valid! you made decisions under messed up conditions, that you wouldn’t make now, and you know that bc you learned from this experience. i don’t see holding these things together as a cop out, i see it as a tension that is the truth. i’m told law school is much about finding the tensions, complexities, contradictions of things; considering them; and articulating conclusions based on all of the issues. it is a delicate and vulnerable thing to have to do this to yourself, and you may not want to. but it may serve you. the fact that you are so aware of how much you want to be accountable has me confident that you will be able to walk this line if you choose. but i’m just one person, it’s good you’re pursuing multiple opinions, and i recommend letting folks you trust read your essay drafts when you do get to writing it if you go for it. i hope you do!