This post title makes me cringe-- the women of this sub totally hold back discussion of women in this sub.
here's the off my chest rant:
women calling out other women for behaving poorly or making poor choices is EXACTLY what critical thinking and giving each other perspective is like.
What discussion doesn't look like is a sugar water support-fest that steamrolls any different takes, ideas, or pragmatic real talk.
Critical thinking means being critical and that means you're an asshole and that's not allowed here! If you even sound a little bit harsh, you're probably a MAN or A TROLL.
I'm putting aside the actual issue of more men posting here, as that's a different issue than the beef I have with this sub as a woman trying to learn and discuss with other women.
If you look at the general male subreddits, they don't seem to fear contrary ideas, treat each other as fragile victims, and generally don't spend half their comment text consoling each other as the preface to any real point.
Every comment with deep empathy and sadness for anyone who's had any difficult experience. Man or woman, if you're a sweetheart and outwardly supportive with sacharine clarity, you'll do great.
If you're a woman who wants to use the post as a jumping off point for actual for discussion, as this is a discussion forum, and your comment sounds in any way critical, the NICE-LADY-POLICE pounce with downvotes.
I can't tell if this is an American-Women thing, but there's plenty of no-nonsense viewpoints from women than would find no place here, or too much a joke to be worth participating.
Any time there's an elephant in the room that's not kind to mention but hella relevant to discussion, it turns the sub into a laughable parody. Are we afraid different ideas will break us?
The most laughable example I recall was a post about OP's review of watching 50 Shades with her mom. It became a support-fest for the OP who uh, happened to mention in passing, how she's been raped multiple times, her mother had been raped many times, her brother is a convicted rapist who violently attacked several underage girls, and her elderly father that lives with them raped her mother many times. Oh also, by TOTAL COINCIDENCE.
But the point of the post is OP's views as totally a proponent of the Healthy BDSM community and it's all about consent guys and let's talk about how this movie is not a good representation of this community that's all about consent. Let's parse the minute definitions of this and hey NOBODY BETTER MENTION THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM BECAUSE THATS NOT NICE!!!!
Gee woman with severely fucked up family and fucked up traumatic past wants to just causally mince words about which version of BDSM is the true-scotsman version? TOTAL COINCIDENCE and why are you against a woman's empowered sex-positive right to enjoy any kind of stuff she wants!!!
OMG ASHLEY this duvet looks just like the one I got molested on, and I LOVE Pink colors. NOW the real issue is Do you think this color is FUSCIA or MAGENTA, ladies let's discuss!
KILL ME NOW.
So in a discussion of BDSM in media culture no one wanted to posit abused women might have be having a sad and delusional attraction to (mock or actual) pain, control, or depravity as a repetition compulsion to act out past trouble, real of perceived? A hundred years of psychoanalysis has no place here, take your misogyny and slut-shaming elsewhere freud!
REally, that craaaazy theory merits no discussion? You will be downvoted to oblivion and hear an elaborate talking to about consent and sex-positive bdsm community, as if they're a nation with laws and not just a loose collection of people doing whatever.
The last straw was seeing the only comment chain positing a link between this bullshit, and one of the women musing about it clearly had a goddamn PhD in philosophy. The only contrarian points in the whole thread were downvoted as fervently as some 12-year-old calling yo momma a fag. Intelligent, forthright comments are unwelcome.
'Ladies if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.'