Women who were terrified at the though of giving birth, how did you get through with it?

I have a fear of becoming pregnant and giving birth. My fear is so bad that I had a 6 hour anxiety attack from just seeing a crowning baby in my A&P textbook.

It's not the pain that terrifies me. It's one day of horrible pain. I don't care about the actual labor, it's how my body would change during and after the child. I know that women gain weight, but if you breastfeed, the weight literally melts away. I know my breasts will swell and be painful to the touch and be crusty. I know I will have horrible stretch marks because as a petite lady I already have stretch marks on my breasts (34 B- they are small [but I still love them!]) and thighs. I'm only 115 lbs at the age of 22. There is not avoiding them. I also know that I will have to get snipped when the baby is crowning.

Now, the desire for wanting a baby is only getting stronger. Now when I see a baby I begin to have a strong feeling of wanting one of my own. When my SO points out a baby and says how he wants to pinch its cheeks, the desire gets even stronger. I'm willing to bet that I will want one so bad in a few years that I would be willing to do anything to have one... which might be my only saving grace.

Now, I know the statistics of having a baby with disabilities, the chances that either/both I die or the baby. That there have been women who can no longer have sex or orgasm after giving birth. I know about peeing uncontrollably right after delivery. I know about pooping on the table as while in labor. I also know that the pain of labor is so bad, that we have evolved to forget the memory of our labor in hopes to continue to reproduce. We loss the memory because the pain is too much- so much that if we didn't many wouldn't do it again. I know a LOT of gruesome things about the process and what can go wrong. That being said, I want nothing more than a biological baby with my SO. I am working on my fear. I have made progress from thinking that an infant was more like a parasite to thinking of an infant as a tiny human who needs some help growing. I'm currently not seeing any professional help, but when my SO and I decide that we would like a child in our life, I will no doubt seek help. Best of luck with your endeavor.

/r/AskWomen Thread