Lack of direction, lack of self worth, inability to choose men of good character. I had no role model for the later parts of my life. The idea of feeling like I have to take on a lot on my own and the men I dealt with were incredibly lazy and had no motivation for life or were very abusive towards me. So I became incredibly masculine to over compensate for the lack of good men in my life. But deep down inside I just wanted to be taken care of and have a safe place to be. Safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. I struggled for years to see my worth in myself. Through copious amounts of self help books, therapy, and close friends and family holding me accountable I’ve learned to get through a lot of it. To this day I miss my dad every single day. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about him or see something that reminds me of him. He was truly the most amazing dad I could’ve ever asked for. He was kind, sweet, he taught me the best things, and I have nothing but good memories of him.