When I was younger being told I was the reason there was violence against women and only I could stop it never really resonated with me.

I never entertained the idea of being violent towards anyone let alone basing my violence towards others solely on their gender. It sort of reminded me of being in grade school and having the whole class held back because one person did something and there was no way to do anything about it unless you blamed everyone and you had to do something because there was a very real issue.

No one likes being lumped in with the trouble makers, let alone with rapists and people who are clearly anti social.

None of this stuff changed me to rape and assault less. Zero is still zero. I never surrounded myself with people who talked about all the chicks they banged and who had violent aggressive personalities so it's not like I had opportunity to call people out on their shit.

I can't imagine anyone who would assault or rape being influenced by being told they should not do it. Their issues are way deeper and they know they should not do the things they do. But we have to do something. Because clearly there is an issue. A real one.

Now when I look at things like women's hours and safe spaces I think that is a concrete thing we are doing. We did not fix anything by telling people who did not rape and assault that they are the problem. Imagine that. The problem did not go away. This at least reduces the harm our failure to fix an issue caused.

When I hear people complain about not getting something another group gets I try to put myself in the shoes of someone in that group. Then I ask myself if I would trade places with that person to get that thing but looking at all the bullshit I would also have to take on if I was to change places. In every case so far the answer is no.

So I still have it pretty good and some other people have it a bit better than they did. I'm just happy no one is telling me I'm the problem any more. That did not help anyone.