Sure! Well for starters I wish I hadn't let fear and insecurity drive so much of my thoughts and actions. The situation was extremely unexpected, and NRE hit me like a truck, and since this is my first romantic relationship since I've been non-mono, I had no clue what an insecure mess I was in an undefined situation.

I wish I'd committed 100% to the "love big, love fearlessly" thing but I was so afraid of coming on too strong and losing him before I had to that I ironically tried to break it off a couple of times, which led to confusion and hesitancy on his part. As a result we missed out on quite a few opportunities to spend more time together, and regretting that is hard.

I wish I'd sat with my feelings more and not let fear overwhelm me. I created a lot of self-fulfilling prophecies in doing so and it was dumb.

And as soon as he left I foisted an ultimatum on him that I thought was what was best for me, but looking back it was an attempt at control, when I should've spent more time really sitting with myself and figuring out what I was and wasn't OK with.

Not to say all the drama was on me, he made some pretty big mistakes in how he handled himself, too, which is understandable because it's not like he was expecting this, either. But I wish I'd been more accepting of who he is and how he was dealing with things instead of trying to force him to get on board with what I wanted. It was really selfish in a way, I was focused so much on my own hurt and insecurity that I often failed to notice that the situation was equally hard for him, he just showed it in different ways.

Luckily we've managed to repair the damage and we're communicating much better now, even though it sucks that we're apart. Trying to find a space to stay in contact in a way that won't sour things, we're taking it more day by day. I'm trying to get better and being OK with letting this take whatever shape it takes, although my husband joked with me last night that I'd raze villages to the ground to avoid dealing with uncertainty, and he's right. ;)

My takeaway is that it was/is worth it to have gotten to know him and loved him, whether we continue some sort of relationship or not. The best advice I can give is if you think you can handle your shit better than I did, then go all in, go big. If you can't...it might be better to end it before it ends.