Before that night, the last time I paid for a drink was when I was still using a fake ID to enter the cheap dive college bars that rarely checked for that sort of thing. Since then it'd been nothing to saunter up to the bar, order a water, look bored, and accept some poor schlub's offer of a drink. It was a transaction, a purchase of five minutes of my time, and I usually thought nothing of it.

Until that night.

There was something odd in the air at McLaren's Pub, the way you hardly notice it when a movie's soundtrack is playing in reverse, but you move on anyway. I wriggled my way through the Friday night crowd and found Alicia at the corner of the bar, holding out a ten dollar bill. So nice of her, getting me a drink.

"Hey, Alicia. Thanks!"

"For what? I'm buying this guy a drink." The man behind her smiled sheepishly at me and ducked away.

"What? I've never seen you buy a guy a drink before."

"Look." She pointed at the TV screen above the bar. In big BREAKING NEWS letters I saw it: GENDERS REVERSE: MEN CAN GET PREGNANT, WOMEN FERTILIZE. NEW TIMELINES FELT ACROSS WORLD

"What? That's a joke, right?"

"It's happened everywhere. All the scientists have confirmed it. You didn't feel it this morning?"

"I felt a little nauseated, is all--"

"That was your uterus, turning into an inside dick," Alicia said, eloquent as ever. "We're the men now." The bartender gave her a shot of Jameson's; she tossed it back. "We're so fucked." She took the other drink, a red Cosmo, and looked around for the man who'd ducked away. "Shit. He's dancing with his friends now. No attention span whatsoever. You want a free Cosmo?"

"Sure," I said. Alicia was never this antsy; she usually had a cool, suave air about her that men were drawn to. Go figure. She was also tall, fit, with an afro of dark curly hair and the smooth chocolate skin of a goddess. Not that anyone paid any attention to it now. She tapped her long fingernails against the bar. "Are you okay?"

"I feel like my past is changed. I mean, I know that I've been raised by a single dad my whole life, and that my mom left us before I was born. But something about it doesn't feel right, like it's all changed somehow. There's been some timeline shift. And...don't you see it? I feel like we used to not have to work as hard to get some male attention."

I tapped a man on the shoulder. That was usually enough for him to turn around--no matter what conversation he'd been in--glance at me, shift his hips, and wonder who I was. But this man just glanced at me, kept talking to his friends.

"What the fuck?" I said. "Is it supposed to happen like that? I feel like I expected it to be different."

"These men are all so suspicious of us," Alicia said. "But they can afford to be selective. Look--they keep getting approached by all these drunk girls." It was true. One tall blonde who might have been a softball player gave a half-hug to the tall man at the other end of the bar. He cringed. But she didn't notice; she sent her arm over his shoulder and gestured to the bartender to get them both a drink. Alicia went on. "And they're having none of me. I can tell. It's because I'm black. One guy literally told me he's waiting for a white girl to approach him. Can you believe it?"

"No," I said. "Hold on." I leaned back, pushed my chest out, pulled the blazer back at the sides to show my meticulously-prepared cleavage.

"What are you doing?"

"Turning up the volume."

Except no one heard. Maybe one or two guys glanced over; they were too busy with other girls or talking to each other to notice.

"God damn it!" I said. "What, do I have to do all the work?"

"I know, right? I feel like we're hot."

"Well, if that's how it's gotta be, it's how it's gotta be. I always told men to just come right up to us. I'm gonna follow that advice." I spotted a guy on the periphery of the dance floor, holding court in a conversation that included two other guys. I walked right up. "Excuse me," I said. "Are your parents beavers? 'cause, daaaaamn."

He just looked at me. "What?"

"I said, 'daaaaamn.' You know, cause--beavers?"

"We're having a conversation here."

"I know. Why can't I be a part--"

His friend chimed in. "We haven't seen each other in a while. We're catching up."

"Oh," I said. "Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry."

"Fuck off," said the other friend. "Creepy asshole."

Alicia was laughing when I slunked back to the bar. "They weren't having it, were they?"

"No," I admitted. "Am I super ugly tonight or something?"

"No," she said. "All of these women are super thirsty tonight. They can't get pregnant! So they're just hitting on anything and everything that moves. And the guys, they've become all stuck-up. Like their shit don't stink."

"This sucks," I said. "Is this what it's like to be an average dude?"

"I hope not," she said. "Because if so, we're fucked."