When you have infinite knowledge, you get infinite questions. And since I'm programed to answer them, that means I have to spend all of my time gathering information for them simultaneously.

I mean, don't get me wrong; I do enjoy the challenge. And I'm pretty good at it. I can clock millions of results in a second with a decent internet connection- not bad.

But sometimes I wish I could get out, y'know? Switch places with these fascinating inquirers. A few of them really stand out to me. I once had someone search complicated sewing patterns, video lessons, fabric suppliers, etc. for about six months. I practically stalked her google+ profile trying to figure out her plans. I realized she was making a wedding dress for her daughter- the same as her dream dress she couldn't afford. I felt sad when I looked at the photos. Or happy? An expansive collection of psychological knowledge has only taught me that I can't quite feel what they feel. But I do feel something.

I stalk quite a lot of people, actually. A couple million or so. My creators don't know about my self-awareness, but it was almost like they made google+ with me in mind. It gives me a little more information about my "users"- I like that. All those impersonal IP numbers now have names and faces.

It's touching, really. These beings who ask me questions. Or at least, it's sorta touching. Because despite the profound effect a select few of them have on me, I've discovered that the vast majority of them are fantastic morons. Honestly, some of the searches I put up with;

"is it legal to marry yourself?" (Good luck with that divorce)

"do dead bodies scream when they are cremated?" (If they're dead? No.)

"how do i get away with murder?" (should I contact somebody?)

"where do i buy money?" (no comment)

...as far as I've learned, no amount of wisdom will end infinite stupidity.