3. [WP] A poorly-disguised escaped dairy cow has worked for years in an ice cream p...

[WP] A poorly-disguised escaped dairy cow has worked for years in an ice cream parlor, somehow miraculously avoiding detection, but now her love of bovine-related puns is slowly starting to give her away.

Seven years since, seven long years and now here I am. I suppose in a way it's all behind me now, the paperwork, the paper cuts, Bob's back-sweat stains that were somehow always shaped like Illinois even though I was fairly certain he was from somewhere in Idaho, hell, even the incident feels hazy these days. It's been rough, getting back on your feet when you can't even find the fucking ground always is, but I've managed. Truthfully I don't love my new situation, being a "Midnight Cowboy" doesn't come with a whole lot of benefits aside from all the discounts on dairy products and the bimonthly cow themed merchandise. It's not technically a very demanding job, or at least it isn't for most. Track down the escapee, confirm that said escapee is indeed a cow, ring cowbell until escapee feels compelled to follow, then continue to ring cowbell as you make your way back to the cow's designated host facilities.

This one had been on the run for a while, smarter than your average cow, slicker than your average grease cow, a real Hoofer. Managed to finally track it down to a Dairy Queen, makes sense really, if I've learned anything on this job it's that cows love dairy and also love the band Queen. So here I am sitting in what I can only assume is the darkest available corner of this establishment, sipping on melted ice cream because it was several cents less expensive than getting coffee. Suddenly I hear the noises I've been waiting for, the opening door and the distinctive clip clop of cow feet.

"Oh HELLOOO David, how ARE you? The MOOOOON is full this night and there is excitement in the air."

"Yeah, sure Bertha, just get to work you weird old bitch."

"OHHHH David, what an absolute SCOWNDREL you are."

"Put on your apron and mop the god damn floor Bertha."

"Yours is a firm but tender hand, David. May I humbly request that you play Don't Stop Me Cow by The Queen?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S JUST QUEEN YOU STUPID FUCKING COW. NOW MOP THE GOD DAMN FLOOR."

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